Weeks 31-33

31 Weeks:

31 weeks

Baby is feeling quite heavy. It felt like I would never get to this point. It’s difficult and uncomfortable, but I’m so happy to have made it here!

I was worried about the trend of my glucose numbers this week. I was at work and noticed about 2am that my numbers were just hanging out in the 180s. That lasted maybe an hour. The only recent snack I had eaten was baby carrots..so I was really hoping my Dexcom readings were off. I tried to recalibrate it with fingers sticks a few times this week, but the good and bad news is it was reading correctly.

Due to this the MFM started me on daily NPH insulin, which was a good thing in my book. I was assuming I would have to do like a sliding scale with rapid-acting insulin but intermediate feels much easier to use and easier to avoid hypoglycemia. It also doesn’t cross the placenta which is reassuring. 

Ivy’s NST at the MFM looked perfect for the week! 

There was still extra amniotic fluid, but it wasn’t more than last week.  Sweet girl is still super high up and breech. She did flip around so that her head is positioned in the opposite rib cage from last week. We have time for her to turn head down… we’ll see if she’ll cooperate. You know how youngest children are.

I spent my NST thinking of everything we've done to get Ivy here. Not just the pokes and prodding; the emotional and financial stress. After our devestating loss in 2019, I had to find patience for such a long time. Went back to school. Went to a few years of therapy. Five uterine biopsies with no guarantees. Months of antibiotics that made me sick to my stomach 24/7. I remember trying to explain gently to the kids that we aren't always in control of these things, no matter how much we desire them. I remember choosing a nursing specialty- trying to balance my interests with my worry about what triggers I could mentally handle. 

Then 5 1/2 years after our 7th loss, that miraculous positive pregnancy test that made me absolutely elated; while dread loomed over us. Months of night shifts full of disquiet and pain, without my meds. Anxiety to the point of agony that I would lose my last baby. THEN enter the poking and prodding (and diabetes.) And NOW- we really are less than 2 months away from meeting this baby we've dreamed of forever. It's still hard for me to grasp that it will really happen. I'm still scared. I just want to hold her and thank God that somehow this paid off. I've loved her for so much longer than I've had her!

Aidia has been asking me for a “big sister” t-shirt, which I thought was just the sweetest thing. Most of the ones she liked on amazon only went up to size 5-6, but she is an extra special big sister! A girl who is 8 1/2 years old can really help mom out with the new baby :) We found one in the right size that she loved and she looks so proud!

Getting my insulin filled was a joke. I spent so much time talking to insurance and pharmacists. I went to several pharmacies in different cities and there was always a new problem. I was about to be the crazy lady that breaks down crying in the pharmacy. But eventually I got it worked out. AND managed to get my TDAP shot on time so that Ivy can get those antibodies. 

My relief from solving that problem didn’t last long, as I managed to sustain a knee injury that night about 3am when I got up to pee for the 8th time. My range of motion was super messed up and I couldn’t drive. This Relaxin hormone- please note I have other kids to take care of! One more doctor visit to the Instacare added to my tab. My BP was high at the appointment but I was sure it was just from pain. Fortunately I live with a physical therapist, and that has its perks. I’ve never missed Ibuprofen more!! 

Happy Easter!

Easter morning on the way home from work, having been up for a day and night, I blew a tire. I stayed on the shoulder of the freeway buckled up while I waited for Kevin. Thankfully traffic wasn't horrible, but it was scary being pregnant in this situation. I felt so vulnerable. And tired. My Easter plans changed to just hoping I could get home in time to get enough sleep to go back to work. Kevin's gas light and check engine light turned on as he drove to come rescue me🫡. I think his car is okay for now- but we ended up needing to get 4 new tires for the van. That thing has to last forever.

32 Weeks:

32 weeks

The good news is, even if they let me go all the way to 39 weeks +1 day, we are only 50 days away from induction! 

Pebble ice continues to be the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. Every single day. It’s weird to think that insane craving will probably go away the second that baby is born. 

Work has been physically hard for a while, but it’s starting to feel more difficult emotionally. Maybe I’m also more sensitive- but sometimes life is cruel and horrible. Things can happen to beautiful newborn babies. Usually it’s no one’s fault. Secondhand trauma for caregivers is a real thing. Sometimes I come home from work and have nightmares all day. 

Despite the diet and insulin, I’ve still been gaining over a pound a week. I know it’s not really in my control at this point. It’s the opposite from my pregnancy with Aidia where I was constantly losing weight. It’s frustrating… but all I can do is my best. I wonder if part of what I’m gaining is fluid; I’m glad they are watching that. 

My nightstand at home is turning into my bedside table at work!

Aidia was home from school with a fever most of the week, but she was patient through being my helper for my weekly monitoring.

Ivy is okay but kept me on my toes in the 32 week monitoring session. Her NST wasn’t reactive enough to pass. The OB did a BPP ultrasound and didn’t get her to pass all the categories in the time she had allotted for my appointment. They didn’t want me to leave the hospital at that point until they made sure she wasn’t distressed. They sent me straight down to the MFM (who has more time to monitor on ultrasound). 

The MFM did an ultrasound to see if I needed to go to L&D for monitoring. Ivy’s still breech. I was not surprised at all. I have a lot of intense pain in my ribs where she likes to keep her head and it radiates straight through to that part of my back. She was acting sleepy and there was more fluid from last week. However, she did pass her BPP at the MFM within the time limit! I’m glad she did, but any little thing increases my anxiety. We did see her chubby cheeks on the ultrasound! So sweet. The MFM doc decided the insulin is working well enough after reviewing my weekly reported numbers, so we were allowed to go home after the ultrasound. 

After a very long day, I ended up needing to reschedule my proctored assessment for work due to sick kids at home. I’m trying so hard to finish everything possible for work before maternity leave; but it might not happen. I will just do the very best I can. When it comes down to it, I just need to get like 40 more hours to qualify for my FMLA this year. Everything else can be dealt with as it comes. 

I was very happy to spend the evening celebrating Aidia! She is so shy about accepting awards in front of people (she and Jack basically have opposite personalities) but I was just bursting inside! Yay! Not only did she earn a superior at her piano festival (the highest rating); she had two of three judges nominate her for a special honor! Only 20 students out of the entire Davis Ogden Chapter earned this- I don’t think she knows how talented she is!

My fasting sugars have been trending up the past few days and I’m surprised how much harder it’s been to keep control of the gestational diabetes this time. I worry about any ill effects for babe.

Every small thing has been wearing me out so much. I get tearful thinking I’ll never finish everything that I need to before baby comes (my nesting list specifically). I have to sit down and rest every 5 minutes like a wimp. I am always short of breath! Probably thanks to that sweet little head in my ribs. Please flip head down little one! Those sharp kicks straight to the cervix and the random vomiting into my throat might actually improve if she flipped over.

33 Weeks:

The bible is right. 40 days and 40 nights sounds like an eternity. But we want that brain and lung development!

The guilt when my sugar goes high is awful. I know it effects her and I hate that it's so much harder to control than it was with Aidia. I just need my pancreas to cooperate

At my weekly monitoring appointment I got the following updates: 

-Doctor is doubling my insulin 👎🏻

-She is no longer breech! So glad she flipped head down.

-The extra fluid increased again. They won't do anything about it as long as she passes her weekly NSTs. They just said it's going to be uncomfortable, cause contractions, and cause an "irritable uterus". Ow,

-Her fetal breathing looked much better this week which was a relief

I started the higher insulin dose, and the next morning my fasting glucose was even higher than it was previously. I was instantly depressed- why is nothing working? It stayed high for a few days so I emailed the MFM hoping for more advice. I’m so worried she’s going to be so big, and not be able to hold her sugars/temp when born. 3 days after the initial increase we increased the insulin again because it’s not reducing my numbers at all. I really hope the diabetes resolves when she is born, this is the pits. 

I’m 34 weeks tomorrow (come on Amber 5 more weeks… we got this.) I'm emotional and exhausted. I'm giving it my absolute all. Sometimes I have a total meltdown in front of the kids (usually in the kitchen as I'm trying to finish dinner.) I feel bad about that. But when you hit the absolute limit, there's nothing else left.

I have this worry that I'll be up during the day, then work all night- and my water would break right at the end of the shift. I would just be sobbing that I can’t give birth right now because I’m too exhausted and have to sleep after a night shift!

I'm not a fan of my new CGM sensor. It tends to read pretty low and alarm often. It makes it hard to stay asleep and it blocks you from turning off critical low alarms for safety. I don't want to turn my phone all the way off because I use my alarm. But I'm looking into ways of hard closing the app if needed because I'm so tired after work and absolutely need to sleep without constantly being alarmed at! It’s messy to take insulin at work because then my schedule for eating and sleeping is flipped, which probably does drop me low. Last night, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open on the way TO work 👀

However, I finally passed my required hours needed for my FMLA! Now that is a reason to celebrate! 

5 more weeks to go at the most! I hope she’ll come a little sooner than that, once we hit full term. Trying to keep that all in perspective <3

Weeks 27-30

Week 27:

My MFM appointment for gestational diabetes education went great. They totally understood my goals with how I want to track my sugars, especially with my work schedule. They wrote me a prescription for a CGM without hesitation. I was able to use a voucher to get my first one which was so helpful financially. Each sensor lasts for up to 10 days. My goal is about 175g carbs per 24 hours, which feels very doable alongside the glucose tracking. I made some spreadsheets to track everything. Good thing I’m already Type A.

The MFM’s plan is to start growth ultrasounds around 30 weeks and screen baby’s anatomy in detail. We’ll make sure she’s staying healthy and growing appropriately despite the diabetes. I should be able to start NSTs  (non-stress tests) once or twice a week around 32 weeks. That will be very reassuring to me. They anticipate that I will meet with a perinatologist to discuss a birth plan when I get close to full term. We’ll see how Ivy is doing and if any specific needs should be taken into account before labor and delivery. It’s crazy how fast growth changes at this stage. At 25 weeks I was finally comfortable enough with my side profile to slip on a jumpsuit with lots of room to grow. Then suddenly at 27 weeks, I was having new physical discomfort with my size (which seemed to suddenly explode.)

A friend of mine from about a decade back just experienced an unexplained stillbirth at 38 weeks. I feel so terrible for them. There was really no warning and as of yet, no explanation. Because this exact scenario has happened more than once in my immediate family, the fear of this happening to my daughter is like ice down my spine. I try to muffle the worry but think about it at least once a day. Especially as a NICU nurse, I know that “these things happen” but the tragedy is unfathomable. My heart is with that couple. All I can do is hope that I will be one of the lucky ones.

It’s been emotionally difficult transitioning into the next trimester. I have had crying spells that last for days. Focusing on the little moments helps. Sometimes Kevin talks into my belly and Ivy kicks and responds like crazy- which is magical. 

I needed to list all my pregnancy risks on the MFM form where I submit my glucose log every week; I had to keep making the font size smaller to fit the list in the text box. It just amazes me looking at all those odds that somehow this little girl has already overcome. She’s amazing. 

Week 28:

HELLO THIRD TRIMESTER!! I am so thrilled to be here.

My 28 week OB appointment went great- my belly was measuring about 29 weeks and her heartbeat was perfect! 

Kevin went on that free cruise to Mexico that he earned through work. He took his brother with him since I wasn’t allowed to board past 23 weeks pregnant. I’ll admit it was a bummer to not be on vacation when I’ve never felt the need for one so badly! It wasn’t exactly fun to use all my PTO to stay home and play single mom (shoutout to those women who live that life for real. I really don’t know how I would survive). Despite my complaining, Kevin deserves a cruise more than anyone else I know and I’m so glad he got a break to get away! He works so hard every day. He comes home from work and continues working hard to keep our household running and our (somewhat needy) kids stable. I’m extremely lucky to have found a partner who actually believes in sharing all the financial and household responsibilities. We are a great team because even after 15 years, we try to help each other as much as possible in everything we do. The kids and I managed to have a few fun moments when we had the house to ourselves- I took them both to symphony rehearsal with me and I loved watching Jack sight read with the trombones. They are smart kiddos and I hope they continue to love music as much as I do.

Cute Aidia snapped this pic at rehearsal :)

Work is getting so hard physically. I love the work I do, but every shift feels like running a marathon. I come home in extreme pain and weepy. Sorry family. Every time I finish my stretch of shifts I spend my commute home telling myself “I’m not going to cry when I walk through the door.” Yet as if I have no control at all, if Kevin is home and asks me how work went, I instantly break down in tears. I’m sure staying up all night is not helping my emotional control. Working through the night also spikes my sugars every time- I’ve noticed I trend the highest on busy and stressful shifts. Kind of amazing to see how that works in real time- but still not healthy. 

Week 29:

Overall I’ve been really happy monitoring my sugars with the Dexcom. I occasionally calibrate the reading with finger sticks to make sure the numbers are accurate. My biggest difficulty with it is that I’m a side sleeper (and have to be while pregnant) and the device is only FDA approved to be worn in the back upper arm. But if you push on the device, it skews the numbers to be much lower. So at night I was having all these critical low alarms wake us up and scare us to death. It’s important if it was real, but I know I’m not actually at 40. I learned that I can silence the critical alerts for up to 6 hours, which I feel fine about since I’m not on insulin and not worried about going hypoglycemic in my sleep. It’s been harder to keep my sugars in range with this pregnancy than it was with Aidia. I’ve had to cut more carbs than anticipated. 

My only other major issue was when I inserted my third sensor- for some reason this one bled a lot and the blood seeped right through the hole in the front of the sensor and down my arm. Too much blood throws off the readings. The company is sending a replacement but I’ve been trying to calibrate the sensor because I’m paying out of pocket for these things and don’t want to waste anything! Overall, even with minor issues it really beats sticking my finger at least 4 times a day. 

How am I going to work until delivery? I wonder how to survive this for two more months. These long shifts leave me all but paralyzed. I barely make it up the stairs to the parking garage after a shift. I had back and spine issues before, but the way things keep slipping in and out when I move…I’m half expecting to just fall over at work one of these times that I jump up quickly to respond to an alarm. My feet are swelling more now and I’m truly in so much pain when I get home from work. Maybe 34 isn’t “old” but my body sure isn’t tolerating pregnancy the way it did at 21.

Aidia got her braces on this week! I can’t believe how big she is. Here she is with her cute cousin!

Yay it’s concert week! Abravanel Hall is my favorite venue to play at, and this week presented a relief in knowing that this was my last rehearsal or performance until I deliver. One less commitment each week. Our concert was free and Disney themed, and it was our best turnout ever! Even though being at the venue for 8 hours felt far too long for me right now, the whole experience made me so happy. I’m so lucky to be part of a great community symphony! It is such an uplifting and positive thing for me. 

Ladies were encouraged to wear Disney-like ball gowns or dress up like princesses

Abravanel Hall during dress rehearsal 

After the concert was a bit difficult. Two nights of work followed by concert day seemed to catch up with me and the Braxton Hicks would not stop. I did a warm bath, lots of extra water, lying down, etc. but was still having ten contractions an hour. I think I was just physically exhausted. I also really wanted to avoid going into the hospital for monitoring because I was so tired. It’s far too early for contractions not to stop, baby- you have to cook longer. Thankfully around 2am they finally started to slow down. I did have some spotting the next morning but avoided any major cervical changes. Contractions started up again the next morning and I put myself on what I called “modified bed rest” for one day since Kevin was home. By the following day, things were much better. I haven’t had the same issue since, knock on wood.

Week 30:

At 29 +6 we headed to the MFM for the 30 week growth ultrasound to check how Ivy is doing with the gestational diabetes. The ultrasound tech said, “Woah! This is not a comfortable way to carry a baby!” I felt validated in my discomfort when she showed us how baby is lying completely sideways! She’s not down low at all; her head is pushing on my ribs on the right side, and her feet are stretching across to my other side. They don’t worry about birthing position until 37 weeks, but I’m hoping she’ll at least choose head up or head down before long! For my sake. The tech started doing measurements and said, “Yeah, this is not a small baby!” They estimated her weight that day at 3lbs 11oz and said she’s measuring about ten days ahead. Her head measured at 92.5th percentile 

* whimper *

They also measured all the amniotic fluid and there was more than is normal (polyhydramnios). Fortunately, we already know it’s not related to any anatomy problems with the baby because she’s had all those scans. It also wasn’t an extreme amount of extra fluid, it’s just over the normal margins. They said sometimes extra fluid is just because baby is big, and it’s also associated with gestational diabetes. Due to the extra fluid though, they wanted me to do an NST right away and we’ll continue them weekly.  Her kidneys and bladder look good, so I’m hoping the fluid levels will resolve themselves. 

Ivy Laine 

MFM plans to “weigh” her again at 37 weeks and see if her full term size will influence any delivery plans. I know lots of women are opposed to this type of monitoring or any extra intervention. I will say though, after my first baby was over 9lbs, and the trauma my body endured from that as a 21 year old- I very much welcome this intervention. I don’t want to use a step stool to get into bed for a year again. 

The doctor is pretty happy with where my glucose readings have been at. He said to remember it’s not just what you eat, but is related to your stress levels and quality of sleep (sooo that is a problem with working nights haha). My levels are always at their worst if I’m working, and usually the day after I finish work. 

These appointments are starting to feel like a full time job. The OB wants to see me every other week until the last month then it’s every week. I have glucose check ins weekly (thankfully that’s virtual). I now have NSTs weekly and after 32 weeks I have to go to Ogden for them (they want the monitoring done at the delivering hospital in case you don’t pass). There are follow up MFM and ultrasound appointments. I think I have 11 appointments already set to make it to 39 weeks from here. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, I love to check on my girl and make sure she is ok. It’s just getting very busy with everything else. 

I am once again sitting here worrying about work, specifically how/if I can return to work after maternity leave. Even if I magically finish prep and take my assessment and finish my critical care shifts- and hypothetically could come back from leave only working part-time…I can’t figure out how I would work two nights a week with a 3-month-old. Aside from the 13 hours at night, assuming I work a night before Kevin has the day off, I have to sleep after work and really should take a nap before going in. I can’t stay up for 24+ hours, especially while breastfeeding. Even if I just worked Saturday and Sunday night, I would still have to sleep on Monday after work. All of these scenarios require some type of child care. I hate the idea of childcare for a baby so small. And it’s not cheap. Maybe I could swing working Friday and Saturday nights, if I had someone watch the kids for a couple hours Friday afternoon so I could try to nap before the long stretch. But I still wouldn’t see my baby for like the whole weekend. I would have to pump every 3 hours at work and get up to pump after work. It’s all draining to imagine. Neither Jack nor Aidia did great with a bottle, but they did well breastfeeding. I guess we take it one step at a time once she arrives. Or maybe we should have moved to Sweden or somewhere that they actually give decent paid leave as it benefits the health of the whole family. 

My 30 week OB apt went great. My belly is measuring 32 weeks which isn’t a surprise since she was measured at 10 days ahead a few days back. I just need to find a time to go get my TDAP shot when I’m not working, cause I know I’ll feel crummy and sore afterwards and can’t take ibuprofen.

Having a teenager with behavior problems, especially while in my 3rd trimester, has caused me more stress than I can explain. Sometimes I can feel myself shutting down because I’m trying so hard and it’s so overwhelming. Often I just don’t have anything left to give to him at the end of every night. Obviously I want to keep details sparse for his privacy, but in a general sense it is absolutely exhausting. I try to maintain a calm exterior and respond appropriately as we’ve practiced in years of family therapy. But I break down and cry a lot more frequently than before (and mama is off some of her meds for the baby which is hard). I need a little TLC at this point too, but I swear that kids can sense weakness and the behaviors escalate if I seem especially fatigued or in pain- because I’m easier to take advantage of, or attempt to manipulate. Maybe I’ll just be ignored, maybe yelled at, or just blatantly lied to. I’m trying really hard to be brave but I do wish there was some sort of respite care to use occasionally. It takes a village to raise a child- where is the village? Being a full time caregiver to a child/teen with significant needs could burn anyone out. He was stable when we decided to try one last time for a baby- but mental health ebbs and flows so I need to adjust my expectations that he could go through rough patches even if I’m pregnant or have a newborn. Wow to watch my glucose numbers climb every five minutes during those episodes. It gets so much higher than if I just eat too many carbs. I can literally see the stress. As he gets older though, we can sometimes have great conversations or moments together. I’m working hard to focus on those positive times.

That’s enough venting for now. Stressed but very blessed! I’m thankful for my family. 

Weeks 22-26: You’re Too Sweet For Me

Week 22- The most exciting thing that happened this week was Kevin feeling the baby kick for the first time! I love when they can start bonding. Thankfully the Braxton Hicks have improved from last week; they haven’t been quite as frequent. That’s a load of worry off my mind. We’ve started the process of setting up some baby things- just enough to see what we need to rearrange to make space. I love my house. I am so lucky just to be in a home and have a mortgage in this day and age. It is a small house though! We will need to be a bit creative to make sure everyone has space. Decluttering and rearranging has been quite the undertaking and I’m glad we have a while to figure it out. The kids are professionals at smuggling random stuff in the house. I find more every time I open a closet.

Week 23- Pregnancy has some moments that just aren’t pretty. I had the worst bloody nose of my life at work. So embarrassing. I finally had time to run for a pee break- the second I sat down, blood just started pouring out of both sides of my nose. The 1 ply toilet paper had no chance. Blood started going straight down my throat- I called for a coworker to bring me a towel. As she came into the bathroom, she was blessed to observe me throwing up blood straight into the sink. I was trying to clean up the blood everywhere (read: crime scene) and all the nurses that had gathered were like, “what do you think you’re doing…” and called housekeeping to come deal with the puddle of blood. 😭😭

I don’t usually get bloody noses, but I’ve had “pregnancy congestion” constantly this time around. That plus the aspirin was a recipe for disaster. 

The new development this week was feeling baby’s hiccups for the first time! I forgot about those. 

I took care of a baby at work that was born about as far along as I am now (they were born at 23 + 2). It’s such a crazy thing to care for a baby on the outside knowing they are the size of your baby on the inside. It’s just a unique experience.  

Unfortunately, a friend of mine just had a miscarriage and it made me so sick to my stomach. I was seriously ill for a full day and night. I just know that pain, especially when that baby was supposed to be your miracle. It’s still so close to home. And there’s this weird mix of guilt that my baby is still okay.  

Week 24- It’s too early for the waddle! But this week I’ve welcomed intense groin and thigh pain. Getting in and out of the car has felt impossible. Stairs and walking have been shockingly painful. It seems to be SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) again like I had with Aidia. Basically the ligaments in the pelvis are too loose to keep everything in place. It causes uneven movements and lots of pain. My OB said it will probably be worse this time around since I’ve had it before. Gotta work on my PT exercises. 

Embracing the maternity scrubs

At 6 months, Ivy should have conscious thought and is making memories. I’m starting to see her kicks from the outside!

Week 25- Each day that I wake up and feel her moving and kicking I feel immensely grateful and amazed. Aidia felt her first kick this week! The kicks are much bigger, and are starting to move my whole belly.

I found out that after maternity leave, the fewest amount of hours I would be allowed to schedule at work is 60 hours per pay period. I can reduce hours further after the next level of education is complete (there’s a significant amount of prep work, tests, paired shifts, etc.) I can’t imagine how that many overnight shifts would ever work while breastfeeding a 3-month-old. I know people do it when they have to. I would have to sleep when I came home from work too though. I feel like I need a longer stretch with my baby; we have waited an impossibly long time for her. Maybe I can quit and then go back when she’s a little older? Or find a different job to start with fewer hours if we can’t swing it financially? I feel sad thinking about it because I don’t want to leave my position. I have put so much work into it this year. 

The stress of watching everything happening with the stock market/ tariffs/ the daily dismantling of government organizations really has me down. Especially as all repayment plans for student loans hang in the balance. Income driven repayment recertification coming down off the website has especially made me sick to my stomach. We’ve always made big decisions based on the repayment plans we agreed to. In all these years, I’ve never missed a payment. If suddenly income based repayment goes away, there’s no way I could make the standard payments (well over 2K a month). Interest continues to climb. All the terms and interest are one sided and we get strapped with the consequences of political decisions. I wish it had been more like a mortgage agreement. We are holding all that stress that keeps us up at night wondering how to afford the interest increase or sudden change in terms. It’s terrifying to wonder what terms are going to change and what fresh hell awaits us in the news each morning. Maybe the courts will block some of these proposed changes? I’m really trying to enjoy this pregnancy if all the political nonsense could PLEASE chill for a minute.

At my 25 week OB appointment I was measuring 26 weeks by my belly, so I think Ivy’s growth is great! 

As expected, the 3 hour glucose test was torture. Fasting while pregnant. Chugging syrup and trying not to void the test by throwing up. The 4 blood draws (in dehydrated veins) in 3.5 hours. The nausea and pounding headache made me wish for a bed to lay in between blood draws. This is the 6th time I’ve done a glucose test- one reason to celebrate my last pregnancy. I never want to do this again. Of course I got a call halfway through the testing from the 8th grade counselor with Jack in the office. One crisis at a time please!

And after all that- I still failed (confirmed diagnosis of gestational diabetes). I felt really depressed by the results. I was almost sure I wouldn’t pass, but actually failing feels terrible. I’m only 25 weeks, that is such a long time to manage diabetes until the baby’s born. Especially working nights and eating/sleeping at random times. Fun fact- just working nights increases your insulin resistance. I get overwhelmed trying to figure out how to cook for my family separately from what I will be able to eat. Have you seen the price of groceries? 

I was really hopeful I could get a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) instead of doing finger sticks 4+ times a day. Insurance said they will only cover it if I end up going on insulin injections to manage my sugar. So it’s bruised fingers for now. I hope I can manage the diabetes with a strict diet like I did with Aidia.

I just want to keep Ivy healthy. I’ll be monitored at the MFM now and likely have NSTs (non-stress tests). It will all be worth it not to have another 9.5lb baby like Jack. I'm happy it's not a borderline result, the careful monitoring will give me peace of mind that I'm keeping both of us healthy.

I’m not sure if I’ll lose any of the extra weight, but maybe I’ll stop gaining so fast if I can monitor my glucose. I have been trying, but without the actual blood result data it’s mostly a guessing game. I swear I have FELT the insulin resistance in this pregnancy

Lab results showed my thyroid was overcorrected too. I'm a bit nervous about reducing my dose, I'm already so tired.

I immediately started reducing/counting all my carbs while I waited to hear from the doctor. My brain must have noticed because now the munchies are in full swing and I’m hungry all the time. This transition might be hard.

Night one of being at work with gestational diabetes. I really hope this keeps me full and my blood pressure stable for 12 hours (it's been really low lately). This baby only wants muffins and cereal since yesterday 😩. I get really nauseous if I go too long without snacking so I hope I can make this work.

Healthy food can be yummy, just expensive!!

On the bright side, the constant craving to chew pebble ice is definitely increasing my fluid intake. I almost always have a cup of ice water in hand.

Week 25 ended on a high note because Jack felt a kick finally! He had been anxiously waiting.

Week 26- This week brought my first real kick to the ribs! Also several days of massive headaches and charley horses. The muscle spasms in my calves at night are the kind where I can’t even seem to stretch it out on my own- my toes are just frozen, pointed. Diabetes management sucks, It’s real motivation to never develop Type II diabetes if at all possible. Gestational diabetes is like a 3 month trial and it’s like no thank you! Unsubscribe!!

Let’s move on to happy things. The kids had a random day off school, so I decided to take them to my private 3D ultrasound. It was the right timing to try and get a glimpse of this sweet girl’s face. Watching Jack and Aidia react to seeing their little sister in real time was priceless. Seriously such a moment of joy! We got great pictures- and it looks like Ivy has the same little dimple as Aidia! I could sit and watch the video of this babe yawning over and over again! Amazing to see her so developed and learning in her environment. I’m so thankful. 

Dimple!

Snuggles

I met with my neurologist and the good news is they are increasing my nerve med just slightly. He said it likely won’t be enough to change any outcomes with baby, but might be enough to help me significantly. I’ve really been struggling with my chronic pain the past few weeks. Unfortunately I can’t take most of my other meds until I’m finished breastfeeding, but I’m happy they could make any changes at all to help my quality of life.  

When I talked to my OB, they said regardless of shift work, I need a daily fasting glucose (no eating 8-12 hours). I was trying to figure out when the heck that would be when I work at night. Sometimes I get my lunch break at 5am; and I usually only sleep about 2 hours before heading in to my first shift each week. It’s already difficult to stay up 24 hours, I don’t think I can fast through a third of them. 

The gestational diabetes has really propelled me past my fear of Kevin getting a vasectomy before the baby is here. I know I can’t do this again. It makes more sense for him to get the procedure and recover before I’m a recovering postpartum mom. Between my risks, being off my meds, and now managing diabetes while working nights and raising two kids- this is it. It just took that final straw for me to schedule a consult for him.

I know I sound like a baby about this, but finger sticks really hurt- at least for me. They stay sore for a long time. I get bruises on my fingers and I hate the idea of going to work and putting sanitizer on 700 times a shift. Stay healthy Ivy and help make all this worth it! I’m 27 weeks tomorrow, which means one more week until the 3rd trimester!