34 weeks
I gained FOUR pounds this week! I don’t understand. I more frequently have low sugars rather than high now- and there’s no way I’m eating extra calories. My OB said extra fluid is heavy, and my fluid volume went up again. I told the doctor I'm in a lot of pain and swallowed my tears down as fast as I could. They measured my belly and instead of 34 weeks, I’m measuring 39 weeks with the extra fluid! No wonder I can’t catch my breath and every movement hurts. They won’t induce before 39 weeks because that’s healthiest for baby (I’m on board with that).
I will have a growth ultrasound at 37 weeks and they will have a discussion about a C-section if she shows to be more than 4500g (9.9 pounds). I wonder now if they mean she would have to be weighing that much at 37 weeks?! Because that would still leave 2 more weeks for her to grow. I know Jack weighed 9.4lbs but I swear I did not walk right for a year. All of that aside, they are still planning a vaginal delivery for me- I can probably do it as long as she’s not like 10 or 11 pounds. I’m too afraid of shoulder dystocia.
If I do end up in a C-section they said they will take out my tubes for me if that’s what I want (and it is!) I think the more closed this chapter is, the happier I will be moving on. The 34 week NST showed an irritable uterus (from the fluid) but Ivy is doing great!
I still have a month left of work and I have my big proctored work assessment tomorrow. I have so much left to prep for the cardiac section- but I’m overwhelmed and I can’t focus. I no longer have the stamina for this level of cramming.
As it turned out, Jack had an absolute crisis the morning I was supposed to take the proctored test. I couldn’t get him to school. I didn’t have anyone available to help me manage him and he wasn’t being safe. I had to cancel my test.
I just cried and cried. I feel like I’m being spread too thin. I am not allowed to go back to work part-time after leave now. I needed to do 6 paired critical shifts once I passed that test, and now there won’t be enough time. But I really tried. I was as ready as I could be, given the circumstances.
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I am trying to tell myself that my body is strong and I can carry this baby as long as she needs- even with the extra fluid, but the shortness of breath and dizziness is hard.
That third trimester insomnia has definitely kicked in. It makes no sense to be this exhausted and sore and never be able to stay asleep. The tossing and turning is physically more difficult now with my huge fluid-filled belly. Pelvic pain makes it hurt to turn over in bed, walk, climb stairs, or pretty much anything.
At 34 weeks- Ivy's brain only weighs like 2/3 of what it will full term. Motivation to keep going! I truly hate to sound like I'm complaining about my miracle. It's so worth it. It’s also hard to feel like you've been hit by a bus with every move you make. They are not mutually exclusive facts.
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My dyspnea suddenly got so bad one day. I could not catch my breath for hours. I checked my sats with a pulse ox and luckily my oxygen was fine. My heart rate was just fast from all that work of breathing. I had a couple little emotional moments when I was just trying to clean and pick up shoes or whatever, and literally couldn’t do it. I would have to stop every 15 seconds gasping. I would sit, stand, lay on either side, and just couldn’t get comfy enough to breathe easily.
From what I’ve read, this is one of the most common problems with moderate to severe polyhydramnios. It makes me worried about working over the weekend (with it being Mother’s Day and Nurses’ Week, naturally I’m working! Haha.) I’ll do my best. If I literally can’t breathe at work, we’ll have to take it from there.
I feel extra lucky to celebrate Mother’s Day this year! Every morning that I wake up and feel Ivy moving, I feel immense gratitude.
Having a baby at age 21 (first pregnancy), age 26 (eighth pregnancy), and age 34 (tenth pregnancy) was never how I expected family planning to go for us. Despite all the loss and despair, giving up was not the correct choice for us. Now I feel extra blessed to experience motherhood in such a variety of circumstances and phases of my adult life!
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A coworker (and virtual stranger) gave me the best mother's day gift ever! She noticed how much I was struggling to move and breathe at work and told me she would pick up 8 hours of my shift the next night, if I wanted. I of course said that was too generous- but she shrugged that she didn't have kids and might as well help. I could have cried at the relief she offered. That whole shift, trying to breathe felt like a blood pressure cuff around my ribs. I felt emotional that she noticed.
People can be so kind. Though it was awkward, it was so funny when I was standing in a long line at Kohl’s and an old lady behind me started randomly rubbing my back without saying a word! I guess I looked like I needed it. She told me about all the great-grandkids she has.
Currently, I last about 15 seconds at a time while making dinner before I have to sit down and catch my breath. I try not to get in spats with my teenager in the evening because I can’t control my tears anymore when I feel this crummy. Parenting these older angsty kids is so hard! Especially those with opposition and defiance issues. Defiant kids hurl insults towards you that somehow continue to shock and hurt. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball because I feel like I must have failed somewhere along the way! I miss my little buddy. For more than 5 years, it was just us. I'm trying to somehow prepare for a new child, while struggling with feeling like an incompetent parent. Does everyone feel incompetent when they have teens? Why do kids have to grow up? I worry we're not doing enough to help him but I don't know what else to do.
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I gained ANOTHER 4 pounds this week. That’s 8 pounds in 2 weeks and my belly is unbearably tight with fluid. I went to my MFM appointment- they took one look at me and said “your uterus is so distended.” I told them when I have contractions I feel them in my ribs and back now. I told them how I can’t physically keep up at work. They did my weekly AFI measurement and it had increased to over 38, which put me in the “severe” category for polyhydramnios. The nurse was so understanding and validating (nurses really are the BEST). Even when I carried Jack, my huge over-9-pounds baby, the pain was not like this. It’s not like I’m carrying multiples, so I was feeling pretty wimpy. The nurse told me sometimes extra fluid is harder to carry than multiples, where you have more solid mass. I held back the tears that entire appointment. When you hit a physical breaking point, it makes emotions that much closer to the surface.
They didn’t want to do an amnioreduction due to the risks (me either), but were understanding about the shortness of breath and pain. They wrote me a doctor’s note recommending I start my maternity leave a few weeks early. I don’t want to leave early, but I know I can’t do a good job at work right now. The relief was palpable when they handed me that letter. There’s lots of paperwork to figure out with short term disability and leave, and eventual FMLA hopefully. But at least I can do it from home!
Ivy looked pretty low down and head engaged on the scan- which was a relief. With this much fluid, there’s a bigger risk of cord prolapse when your water breaks, which is a complication I’m terrified of.
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I have lots of contractions now- just enough to be really uncomfortable but not progress into labor. Going on leave came exactly when I needed it to, and I’m so thankful. I’m to the point where I can only sleep for an hour or two at a time and I’m almost relieved when morning comes so I can stop trying. The nights feel very long. It’s hard to toss and turn but the pain in my ribs and back demand it. Kevin says I cry or groan in my sleep when I finally pass out. He thinks I might have a rib or two out of place, but he can’t really pop it back in until baby is born. Although I’m in a state of being constantly worn out, I remind myself that I’ve been measuring full term for a while from the fluid and I’m not just mentally done.
The best I can do for baby is keep toughing it out. But I am definitely to the point where I am fine with her coming at any point once we hit 37 weeks.
I basically feel like I have the body of Jim Carrey’s Grinch and none of my clothes fit anymore. But there’s always dresses and jumpers.
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| Immediately needed to put a new sensor in after this one shut itself off from the bruising :/ |
I packed my “go bag” and put it in the car (wishful thinking that she’ll come at 37 or 38 weeks). It’s not so much that I’m feeling impatient- but the pain from the extra fluid feels unbearable most of the day and at least half the night. I just want baby to stay healthy. I’ll deal with whatever I need to for that. My scars have all stretched out and every bra and shirt I own dig into the compounding edema. I feel like my ribs might burst at any moment.
The MFM nurse told me I had “stamina.” I have to keep reminding myself of that- it’s a powerful self affirmation.
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| My family on my Dad’s side threw my sister and I an awesome baby shower BBQ. It was so nice to focus on celebrating for a day! |
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| My cute sister Kellie and I- due less than a month apart. This side of my family has had 4 baby girls due within 6 months! |
Three more weeks sounds like a lifetime to my body, but my house needs at least 6 weeks of preparation! Did anyone out there actually finish nesting with their 3rd?! Maybe I can do more cleaning once baby is born and I can move around again.
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I had my 9 month appointments (one day early) today. The change in my size from 8 months to 9 months is a JUMPSCARE. Never underestimate fluid.
I'm at that point again where I know it's really beneficial for Ivy to stay put for a few more weeks, but I also know she would be ok with a bit of intervention if she was born. I get scared that something bad will happen while we wait for her appearance. We've made it this far though, and I just have to take it one day at a time. I felt this way with Aidia too.
My fluid went up AGAIN at the AFI measurement today. It went from 38 six days ago to 46.7!! (reminder that normal is 5-20ish). They measured my oxygen, and since my sats are fine it’s not an indication to induce. It’s just misery to live with while we wait. But Ivy passed her NST!
My belly is measuring “50 weeks” (if that was a thing). My cervical check showed I’m only dilated to a 1, so they don’t anticipate my water breaking. Baby isn’t super engaged because she’s mostly floating in her giant swimming pool.
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| Normally you can’t get very good pictures this late, but with all the fluid we can see her floating and enjoying her giant bath. I love seeing her relaxed little hands. |
9 more days until the growth ultrasound, and depending on her size we will see if we need to intervene more. I just need to survive until then. The MFM nurses said they both “plan to plead my case” that day about why we should deliver before 39+1. They are so funny and have been doing this for decades, I love them.
The kiddos have like 2 more days of school. I’ve decided with all this going on, I’m not ready for them to be home for the summer.
Send well-wishes and maybe some moo moos!
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