Week 27:
My MFM appointment for gestational diabetes education went great. They totally understood my goals with how I want to track my sugars, especially with my work schedule. They wrote me a prescription for a CGM without hesitation. I was able to use a voucher to get my first one which was so helpful financially. Each sensor lasts for up to 10 days. My goal is about 175g carbs per 24 hours, which feels very doable alongside the glucose tracking. I made some spreadsheets to track everything. Good thing I’m already Type A.
The MFM’s plan is to start growth ultrasounds around 30 weeks and screen baby’s anatomy in detail. We’ll make sure she’s staying healthy and growing appropriately despite the diabetes. I should be able to start NSTs (non-stress tests) once or twice a week around 32 weeks. That will be very reassuring to me. They anticipate that I will meet with a perinatologist to discuss a birth plan when I get close to full term. We’ll see how Ivy is doing and if any specific needs should be taken into account before labor and delivery. It’s crazy how fast growth changes at this stage. At 25 weeks I was finally comfortable enough with my side profile to slip on a jumpsuit with lots of room to grow. Then suddenly at 27 weeks, I was having new physical discomfort with my size (which seemed to suddenly explode.)
A friend of mine from about a decade back just experienced an unexplained stillbirth at 38 weeks. I feel so terrible for them. There was really no warning and as of yet, no explanation. Because this exact scenario has happened more than once in my immediate family, the fear of this happening to my daughter is like ice down my spine. I try to muffle the worry but think about it at least once a day. Especially as a NICU nurse, I know that “these things happen” but the tragedy is unfathomable. My heart is with that couple. All I can do is hope that I will be one of the lucky ones.
It’s been emotionally difficult transitioning into the next trimester. I have had crying spells that last for days. Focusing on the little moments helps. Sometimes Kevin talks into my belly and Ivy kicks and responds like crazy- which is magical.
I needed to list all my pregnancy risks on the MFM form where I submit my glucose log every week; I had to keep making the font size smaller to fit the list in the text box. It just amazes me looking at all those odds that somehow this little girl has already overcome. She’s amazing.
Week 28:
HELLO THIRD TRIMESTER!! I am so thrilled to be here.
My 28 week OB appointment went great- my belly was measuring about 29 weeks and her heartbeat was perfect!
Kevin went on that free cruise to Mexico that he earned through work. He took his brother with him since I wasn’t allowed to board past 23 weeks pregnant. I’ll admit it was a bummer to not be on vacation when I’ve never felt the need for one so badly! It wasn’t exactly fun to use all my PTO to stay home and play single mom (shoutout to those women who live that life for real. I really don’t know how I would survive). Despite my complaining, Kevin deserves a cruise more than anyone else I know and I’m so glad he got a break to get away! He works so hard every day. He comes home from work and continues working hard to keep our household running and our (somewhat needy) kids stable. I’m extremely lucky to have found a partner who actually believes in sharing all the financial and household responsibilities. We are a great team because even after 15 years, we try to help each other as much as possible in everything we do. The kids and I managed to have a few fun moments when we had the house to ourselves- I took them both to symphony rehearsal with me and I loved watching Jack sight read with the trombones. They are smart kiddos and I hope they continue to love music as much as I do.
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| Cute Aidia snapped this pic at rehearsal :) |
Work is getting so hard physically. I love the work I do, but every shift feels like running a marathon. I come home in extreme pain and weepy. Sorry family. Every time I finish my stretch of shifts I spend my commute home telling myself “I’m not going to cry when I walk through the door.” Yet as if I have no control at all, if Kevin is home and asks me how work went, I instantly break down in tears. I’m sure staying up all night is not helping my emotional control. Working through the night also spikes my sugars every time- I’ve noticed I trend the highest on busy and stressful shifts. Kind of amazing to see how that works in real time- but still not healthy.
Week 29:
Overall I’ve been really happy monitoring my sugars with the Dexcom. I occasionally calibrate the reading with finger sticks to make sure the numbers are accurate. My biggest difficulty with it is that I’m a side sleeper (and have to be while pregnant) and the device is only FDA approved to be worn in the back upper arm. But if you push on the device, it skews the numbers to be much lower. So at night I was having all these critical low alarms wake us up and scare us to death. It’s important if it was real, but I know I’m not actually at 40. I learned that I can silence the critical alerts for up to 6 hours, which I feel fine about since I’m not on insulin and not worried about going hypoglycemic in my sleep. It’s been harder to keep my sugars in range with this pregnancy than it was with Aidia. I’ve had to cut more carbs than anticipated.
My only other major issue was when I inserted my third sensor- for some reason this one bled a lot and the blood seeped right through the hole in the front of the sensor and down my arm. Too much blood throws off the readings. The company is sending a replacement but I’ve been trying to calibrate the sensor because I’m paying out of pocket for these things and don’t want to waste anything! Overall, even with minor issues it really beats sticking my finger at least 4 times a day.
How am I going to work until delivery? I wonder how to survive this for two more months. These long shifts leave me all but paralyzed. I barely make it up the stairs to the parking garage after a shift. I had back and spine issues before, but the way things keep slipping in and out when I move…I’m half expecting to just fall over at work one of these times that I jump up quickly to respond to an alarm. My feet are swelling more now and I’m truly in so much pain when I get home from work. Maybe 34 isn’t “old” but my body sure isn’t tolerating pregnancy the way it did at 21.
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| Aidia got her braces on this week! I can’t believe how big she is. Here she is with her cute cousin! |
Yay it’s concert week! Abravanel Hall is my favorite venue to play at, and this week presented a relief in knowing that this was my last rehearsal or performance until I deliver. One less commitment each week. Our concert was free and Disney themed, and it was our best turnout ever! Even though being at the venue for 8 hours felt far too long for me right now, the whole experience made me so happy. I’m so lucky to be part of a great community symphony! It is such an uplifting and positive thing for me.
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| Ladies were encouraged to wear Disney-like ball gowns or dress up like princesses |
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| Abravanel Hall during dress rehearsal |
After the concert was a bit difficult. Two nights of work followed by concert day seemed to catch up with me and the Braxton Hicks would not stop. I did a warm bath, lots of extra water, lying down, etc. but was still having ten contractions an hour. I think I was just physically exhausted. I also really wanted to avoid going into the hospital for monitoring because I was so tired. It’s far too early for contractions not to stop, baby- you have to cook longer. Thankfully around 2am they finally started to slow down. I did have some spotting the next morning but avoided any major cervical changes. Contractions started up again the next morning and I put myself on what I called “modified bed rest” for one day since Kevin was home. By the following day, things were much better. I haven’t had the same issue since, knock on wood.
Week 30:
* whimper *
They also measured all the amniotic fluid and there was more than is normal (polyhydramnios). Fortunately, we already know it’s not related to any anatomy problems with the baby because she’s had all those scans. It also wasn’t an extreme amount of extra fluid, it’s just over the normal margins. They said sometimes extra fluid is just because baby is big, and it’s also associated with gestational diabetes. Due to the extra fluid though, they wanted me to do an NST right away and we’ll continue them weekly. Her kidneys and bladder look good, so I’m hoping the fluid levels will resolve themselves.
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| Ivy Laine |
MFM plans to “weigh” her again at 37 weeks and see if her full term size will influence any delivery plans. I know lots of women are opposed to this type of monitoring or any extra intervention. I will say though, after my first baby was over 9lbs, and the trauma my body endured from that as a 21 year old- I very much welcome this intervention. I don’t want to use a step stool to get into bed for a year again.
The doctor is pretty happy with where my glucose readings have been at. He said to remember it’s not just what you eat, but is related to your stress levels and quality of sleep (sooo that is a problem with working nights haha). My levels are always at their worst if I’m working, and usually the day after I finish work.
These appointments are starting to feel like a full time job. The OB wants to see me every other week until the last month then it’s every week. I have glucose check ins weekly (thankfully that’s virtual). I now have NSTs weekly and after 32 weeks I have to go to Ogden for them (they want the monitoring done at the delivering hospital in case you don’t pass). There are follow up MFM and ultrasound appointments. I think I have 11 appointments already set to make it to 39 weeks from here. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, I love to check on my girl and make sure she is ok. It’s just getting very busy with everything else.
I am once again sitting here worrying about work, specifically how/if I can return to work after maternity leave. Even if I magically finish prep and take my assessment and finish my critical care shifts- and hypothetically could come back from leave only working part-time…I can’t figure out how I would work two nights a week with a 3-month-old. Aside from the 13 hours at night, assuming I work a night before Kevin has the day off, I have to sleep after work and really should take a nap before going in. I can’t stay up for 24+ hours, especially while breastfeeding. Even if I just worked Saturday and Sunday night, I would still have to sleep on Monday after work. All of these scenarios require some type of child care. I hate the idea of childcare for a baby so small. And it’s not cheap. Maybe I could swing working Friday and Saturday nights, if I had someone watch the kids for a couple hours Friday afternoon so I could try to nap before the long stretch. But I still wouldn’t see my baby for like the whole weekend. I would have to pump every 3 hours at work and get up to pump after work. It’s all draining to imagine. Neither Jack nor Aidia did great with a bottle, but they did well breastfeeding. I guess we take it one step at a time once she arrives. Or maybe we should have moved to Sweden or somewhere that they actually give decent paid leave as it benefits the health of the whole family.
My 30 week OB apt went great. My belly is measuring 32 weeks which isn’t a surprise since she was measured at 10 days ahead a few days back. I just need to find a time to go get my TDAP shot when I’m not working, cause I know I’ll feel crummy and sore afterwards and can’t take ibuprofen.
Having a teenager with behavior problems, especially while in my 3rd trimester, has caused me more stress than I can explain. Sometimes I can feel myself shutting down because I’m trying so hard and it’s so overwhelming. Often I just don’t have anything left to give to him at the end of every night. Obviously I want to keep details sparse for his privacy, but in a general sense it is absolutely exhausting. I try to maintain a calm exterior and respond appropriately as we’ve practiced in years of family therapy. But I break down and cry a lot more frequently than before (and mama is off some of her meds for the baby which is hard). I need a little TLC at this point too, but I swear that kids can sense weakness and the behaviors escalate if I seem especially fatigued or in pain- because I’m easier to take advantage of, or attempt to manipulate. Maybe I’ll just be ignored, maybe yelled at, or just blatantly lied to. I’m trying really hard to be brave but I do wish there was some sort of respite care to use occasionally. It takes a village to raise a child- where is the village? Being a full time caregiver to a child/teen with significant needs could burn anyone out. He was stable when we decided to try one last time for a baby- but mental health ebbs and flows so I need to adjust my expectations that he could go through rough patches even if I’m pregnant or have a newborn. Wow to watch my glucose numbers climb every five minutes during those episodes. It gets so much higher than if I just eat too many carbs. I can literally see the stress. As he gets older though, we can sometimes have great conversations or moments together. I’m working hard to focus on those positive times.
That’s enough venting for now. Stressed but very blessed! I’m thankful for my family.
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