Glad I Asked

(36 weeks)

I about fell over when I weighed in for my weekly glucose log- I gained 6 more pounds this week! That’s about 15 pounds in 3 weeks- with my sugars well controlled. You can’t see it in my face or ankles or anything, so I knew it had to be amniotic fluid. The nurse told me the fluid weighs 8 pounds a gallon, so with the ever growing polyhydramnios it’s no wonder I’m miserable and struggling to move.

That night, I was getting ready for bed with the TV on, and suddenly I couldn’t see parts of the TV. I kept trying to rub my eyes and fix my vision, but looking around the room I just saw blurry “tv static” and flashing lights. I tried to look something up on my phone, but I couldn’t read my phone. That really scared me. My vision changes were bad enough that I wouldn’t have been able to drive. I have a history of migraines but I’ve never had an aura like that before. Also I didn’t have a headache. My blood pressure was fine, I took it a few times.

We were so tired and I really just wanted to go to bed (I had been up since 4am). The idea of going to the hospital at midnight just for them to tell me everything was fine sounded terrible. I couldn’t put my babe at risk though if something was going on- so I called the on call doctor to see if I could monitor the acute vision changes at home. He basically was like ‘sudden onset vision changes at 36 weeks, absolutely not.’ So, we headed to L&D for monitoring. Better safe than sorry; we hoped all that would come from it is a bill.

At the hospital, we did labs but the doctor didn’t send them for testing because my blood pressure was good and my vision changes didn’t match preeclampsia vision changes. She wasn’t worried about HELLP syndrome since my right rib pain has been going on for weeks.

Surprisingly, while we were there my contractions started picking up. They were happening every 1-3 minutes and getting stronger. I had only been dilated to a 1 at my OB apt earlier in the day, but I went to a 2 or 2.5cm and 70% effaced while we were there. They gave us the option to stay and keep monitoring, but I could tell contractions weren’t staying regular. Plus I had been up for 24 hours at that point. Kevin had to be up for work in a few hours- so we headed home.

We managed to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep before Aidia woke us up feeling sick for the third day in a row. I was thinking maybe it was more than a spring cold at this point. I took her temp and it was 103. I took her to the doctor that morning and she was positive for influenza B (?!) at the end of May.

By that night I was running on basically no sleep. The rib pain makes it impossible to lie down for long, no matter how desperate and tired I am. My ribs squeeze and pop in and out. Unfortunately it also hurts to sit or stand. The more miserable I felt, the more I worried I was also fighting off the flu. The body aches and general malaise were terrible. My OB was great and called in Tamiflu for me to try to kick this fast/ prevent it. Baby is coming so soon, I worry about protecting her the most. 

9 months pregnant and influenza in the house was not on my May bingo card. I was having contractions on top of body aches (no ibuprofen allowed is a different kind of misery in this situation.)

Poor Aidia missed the entire last week of school! That’s such a bummer for a second grader since they do all the fun activities at the end.

I feel like I have to give up on my nesting list. I can’t even keep up with normal cleaning. I’m just going to have to clean the house after the baby. I can’t get things off the floor and can’t stand in place for more than a minute without totally running out of breath. Of course, Kevin is amazing and is helping me with it every minute he’s not working.

My nervous system loves to make me feel guilty if I’m not actively working on my to-do lists. Which is dumb- because I already know I physically can’t sort toys or clean shelves with this fluid increasing every day. I need to just try to breathe, and be an incubator, and figure out how to sleep. 

I re-injured my bad knee trying to stand up. When I feel the pain shoot down my leg, I worry it's going to give out on me. I can't take anti-inflammatories, and last time it snapped like this they wouldn't do a steroid injection at the Instacare. Hopefully I can figure out something. I really can't put weight on it. (Kevin ended up installing a grab bar in the bathroom for me so I can get up and down from the toilet. It sounds like a joke but it has saved my life). 

The next morning, I got up for my NST appointment and was constantly praying. I felt like- I literally can’t make it 20 more days to 39+1. I was begging God to help us figure out the best plan. If I just need to endure it, fine, but I felt like there was more going on. 

36 weeks + 2

Have you ever felt nervous/embarrassed to advocate for yourself? Even as a nurse, I get shy about speaking my mind. At the MFM, I gathered up all my courage and asked them if there was any way they could squeeze me in for the growth ultrasound a week early. Having a ton of fluid is one thing, but I also felt like this baby might be very big. My nurses (again, heroes) rushed around the office looking at schedules and talking to the doctor- and actually got me in. Amazingly there had been a cancellation. Answered prayer. And turns out, I think they may have given me my only shot at avoiding a c-section because they listened to me. 

Growth ultrasound at 36+2 showed this baby girl at the 99th percentile. An estimated 8lbs 12oz already! That’s before the fluid so it’s no wonder I feel like my head might pop off from all the pressure.

Sweet little fist she kept sucking on

The doctor said based on those measurements, they would not feel comfortable attempting a vaginal delivery at 39 weeks because she would be so big (read: shoulder dystocia). Now I know people can deliver 10+ pound babies vaginally- please don’t come for me. I know it’s possible. I, however, have no interest in attempting that. I’ve seen the maneuvers and…no thanks. I also would like to avoid surgery- so I was really glad we saw these results when we did. I’m so glad I asked for an earlier scan. 

We still don’t know why the polyhydramnios is so bad. They said it might be idiopathic since my sugars have been well controlled. 

The doc said between her size and the severity of the polyhydramnios, he’s comfortable inducing between 37-38 weeks. I could have cried. That’s exactly the choice that feels right. Technically that’s still early, so we will need to make sure her lungs are doing well. Being a NICU nurse puts that in perspective. I would rather have her need a little respiratory support for a few days instead of emergently ending up with a broken collar bone or something. What if my water broke and we didn’t know how big she was when we started a vaginal delivery.

The chances of my water breaking spontaneously at 36 weeks is lower, and I feel much safer being in the hospital early enough that they can break my water. Any type of emergency related to the polyhydramnios, like a cord prolapse, could be addressed immediately that way. 

The doctor also said it might take a lot for my uterus to clamp back down after birth to stop the bleeding, since it’s so stretched out. His note said to prep for possible postpartum hemorrhage. The nurses said to expect some intense after pains.

The induction is set for Thursday evening- so she would likely be born at 37 weeks plus 2 or 3 days. At this point, I’m more afraid of trying to go further than inducing a little early. 

Doesn’t feel real yet!

Despite this baby being giant...I feel like it's the fluid that's killing me! Most nights I feel like my ribs are snapping (ribs are where my contractions are the most painful!) So weird.  Some nights I'm sure I have broken a rib. I've been wondering if my tailbone is going to rebreak too. I hope not! I know this will all be worth it and forgotten soon!

5 more days to endure before I meet my (undiagnosed triplets?!)

What A Year This Week Has Been (Weeks 34 & 35)

It’s wild how many things can change in a couple weeks. Starting on a positive note, here are some of my favorite maternity pictures we got back! They were taken at 32 weeks and I can’t believe how big I already looked in all of these. Some felt too embarrassing to post! I love how great this handful turned out- they make a perfect addition to our family photo book.

34 weeks

I gained FOUR pounds this week! I don’t understand. I more frequently have low sugars rather than high now- and there’s no way I’m eating extra calories. My OB said extra fluid is heavy, and my fluid volume went up again. I told the doctor I'm in a lot of pain and swallowed my tears down as fast as I could. They measured my belly and instead of 34 weeks, I’m measuring 39 weeks with the extra fluid! No wonder I can’t catch my breath and every movement hurts. They won’t induce before 39 weeks because that’s healthiest for baby (I’m on board with that). 

I will have a growth ultrasound at 37 weeks and they will have a discussion about a C-section if she shows to be more than 4500g (9.9 pounds). I wonder now if they mean she would have to be weighing that much at 37 weeks?! Because that would still leave 2 more weeks for her to grow. I know Jack weighed 9.4lbs but I swear I did not walk right for a year. All of that aside, they are still planning a vaginal delivery for me- I can probably do it as long as she’s not like 10 or 11 pounds. I’m too afraid of shoulder dystocia.    

If I do end up in a C-section they said they will take out my tubes for me if that’s what I want (and it is!) I think the more closed this chapter is, the happier I will be moving on. The 34 week NST showed an irritable uterus (from the fluid) but Ivy is doing great!

••●━━━━━━●••

I still have a month left of work and I have my big proctored work assessment tomorrow. I have so much left to prep for the cardiac section- but I’m overwhelmed and I can’t focus. I no longer have the stamina for this level of cramming.

As it turned out, Jack had an absolute crisis the morning I was supposed to take the proctored test. I couldn’t get him to school. I didn’t have anyone available to help me manage him and he wasn’t being safe. I had to cancel my test. 

I just cried and cried. I feel like I’m being spread too thin. I am not allowed to go back to work part-time after leave now. I needed to do 6 paired critical shifts once I passed that test, and now there won’t be enough time. But I really tried. I was as ready as I could be, given the circumstances. 

••●━━━━━━●••

I am trying to tell myself that my body is strong and I can carry this baby as long as she needs- even with the extra fluid, but the shortness of breath and dizziness is hard.

The “worth it” moments!

That third trimester insomnia has definitely kicked in. It makes no sense to be this exhausted and sore and never be able to stay asleep. The tossing and turning is physically more difficult now with my huge fluid-filled belly. Pelvic pain makes it hurt to turn over in bed, walk, climb stairs, or pretty much anything. 

At 34 weeks- Ivy's brain only weighs like 2/3 of what it will full term. Motivation to keep going! I truly hate to sound like I'm complaining about my miracle. It's so worth it. It’s also hard to feel like you've been hit by a bus with every move you make. They are not mutually exclusive facts.

••●━━━━━━●••

My dyspnea suddenly got so bad one day. I could not catch my breath for hours. I checked my sats with a pulse ox and luckily my oxygen was fine. My heart rate was just fast from all that work of breathing. I had a couple little emotional moments when I was just trying to clean and pick up shoes or whatever, and literally couldn’t do it. I would have to stop every 15 seconds gasping. I would sit, stand, lay on either side, and just couldn’t get comfy enough to breathe easily. 

From what I’ve read, this is one of the most common problems with moderate to severe polyhydramnios. It makes me worried about working over the weekend (with it being Mother’s Day and Nurses’ Week, naturally I’m working! Haha.) I’ll do my best. If I literally can’t breathe at work, we’ll have to take it from there.

I feel extra lucky to celebrate Mother’s Day this year! Every morning that I wake up and feel Ivy moving, I feel immense gratitude.

Having a baby at age 21 (first pregnancy), age 26 (eighth pregnancy), and age 34 (tenth pregnancy) was never how I expected family planning to go for us. Despite all the loss and despair, giving up was not the correct choice for us. Now I feel extra blessed to experience motherhood in such a variety of circumstances and phases of my adult life!

••●━━━━━━●••

A coworker (and virtual stranger) gave me the best mother's day gift ever! She noticed how much I was struggling to move and breathe at work and told me she would pick up 8 hours of my shift the next night, if I wanted. I of course said that was too generous- but she shrugged that she didn't have kids and might as well help. I could have cried at the relief she offered. That whole shift, trying to breathe felt like a blood pressure cuff around my ribs. I felt emotional that she noticed. 

People can be so kind. Though it was awkward, it was so funny when I was standing in a long line at Kohl’s and an old lady behind me started randomly rubbing my back without saying a word! I guess I looked like I needed it. She told me about all the great-grandkids she has. 

Currently, I last about 15 seconds at a time while making dinner before I have to sit down and catch my breath. I try not to get in spats with my teenager in the evening because I can’t control my tears anymore when I feel this crummy. Parenting these older angsty kids is so hard! Especially those with opposition and defiance issues. Defiant kids hurl insults towards you that somehow continue to shock and hurt. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball because I feel like I must have failed somewhere along the way! I miss my little buddy. For more than 5 years, it was just us. I'm trying to somehow prepare for a new child, while struggling with feeling like an incompetent parent. Does everyone feel incompetent when they have teens? Why do kids have to grow up? I worry we're not doing enough to help him but I don't know what else to do.

 ••●━━━━━━●••

35 weeks

I gained ANOTHER 4 pounds this week. That’s 8 pounds in 2 weeks and my belly is unbearably tight with fluid. I went to my MFM appointment- they took one look at me and said “your uterus is so distended.” I told them when I have contractions I feel them in my ribs and back now. I told them how I can’t physically keep up at work. They did my weekly AFI measurement and it had increased to over 38, which put me in the “severe” category for polyhydramnios. The nurse was so understanding and validating (nurses really are the BEST). Even when I carried Jack, my huge over-9-pounds baby, the pain was not like this. It’s not like I’m carrying multiples, so I was feeling pretty wimpy. The nurse told me sometimes extra fluid is harder to carry than multiples, where you have more solid mass. I held back the tears that entire appointment. When you hit a physical breaking point, it makes emotions that much closer to the surface.

They didn’t want to do an amnioreduction due to the risks (me either), but were understanding about the shortness of breath and pain. They wrote me a doctor’s note recommending I start my maternity leave a few weeks early. I don’t want to leave early, but I know I can’t do a good job at work right now. The relief was palpable when they handed me that letter. There’s lots of paperwork to figure out with short term disability and leave, and eventual FMLA hopefully. But at least I can do it from home! 

Ivy looked pretty low down and head engaged on the scan- which was a relief. With this much fluid, there’s a bigger risk of cord prolapse when your water breaks, which is a complication I’m terrified of. 

 ••●━━━━━━●••

I have lots of contractions now- just enough to be really uncomfortable but not progress into labor. Going on leave came exactly when I needed it to, and I’m so thankful. I’m to the point where I can only sleep for an hour or two at a time and I’m almost relieved when morning comes so I can stop trying. The nights feel very long. It’s hard to toss and turn but the pain in my ribs and back demand it. Kevin says I cry or groan in my sleep when I finally pass out. He thinks I might have a rib or two out of place, but he can’t really pop it back in until baby is born. Although I’m in a state of being constantly worn out, I remind myself that I’ve been measuring full term for a while from the fluid and I’m not just mentally done.

The best I can do for baby is keep toughing it out. But I am definitely to the point where I am fine with her coming at any point once we hit 37 weeks. 

I basically feel like I have the body of Jim Carrey’s Grinch and none of my clothes fit anymore. But there’s always dresses and jumpers.

••●━━━━━━●••

My sugars have been much more controlled the past two weeks! I was hoping that would help decrease the fluid, but the most I can likely hope for is that it doesn’t continue to climb. I would recommend CGMs to anyone- they are so helpful for seeing glucose changes in real time and more consistent monitoring. There are things with them that are annoying, especially when you put a new sensor in and it causes too much trauma in the tissue to be accurate. Then you have to send it back to the company to get a new one. They are expensive so keep two on hand in case this happens! The Libre 3 definitely hurts more to put in than a Dexcom 7, but they are smaller and last longer. Pros and cons.

Immediately needed to put a new sensor in after this one shut itself off from the bruising :/

I packed my “go bag” and put it in the car (wishful thinking that she’ll come at 37 or 38 weeks). It’s not so much that I’m feeling impatient- but the pain from the extra fluid feels unbearable most of the day and at least half the night. I just want baby to stay healthy. I’ll deal with whatever I need to for that. My scars have all stretched out and every bra and shirt I own dig into the compounding edema. I feel like my ribs might burst at any moment.

The MFM nurse told me I had “stamina.” I have to keep reminding myself of that- it’s a powerful self affirmation. 

My family on my Dad’s side threw my sister and I an awesome baby shower BBQ. It was so nice to focus on celebrating for a day!

My cute sister Kellie and I- due less than a month apart. This side of my family has had 4 baby girls due within 6 months! 

Three more weeks sounds like a lifetime to my body, but my house needs at least 6 weeks of preparation! Did anyone out there actually finish nesting with their 3rd?! Maybe I can do more cleaning once baby is born and I can move around again.

••●━━━━━━●••

I had my 9 month appointments (one day early) today. The change in my size from 8 months to 9 months is a JUMPSCARE. Never underestimate fluid.

I'm at that point again where I know it's really beneficial for Ivy to stay put for a few more weeks, but I also know she would be ok with a bit of intervention if she was born. I get scared that something bad will happen while we wait for her appearance. We've made it this far though, and I just have to take it one day at a time. I felt this way with Aidia too.

My fluid went up AGAIN at the AFI measurement today. It went from 38 six days ago to 46.7!! (reminder that normal is 5-20ish). They measured my oxygen, and since my sats are fine it’s not an indication to induce. It’s just misery to live with while we wait. But Ivy passed her NST!

My belly is measuring “50 weeks” (if that was a thing). My cervical check showed I’m only dilated to a 1, so they don’t anticipate my water breaking. Baby isn’t super engaged because she’s mostly floating in her giant swimming pool. 

Normally you can’t get very good pictures this late, but with all the fluid we can see her floating and enjoying her giant bath. I love seeing her relaxed little hands.

9 more days until the growth ultrasound, and depending on her size we will see if we need to intervene more. I just need to survive until then. The MFM nurses said they both “plan to plead my case” that day about why we should deliver before 39+1. They are so funny and have been doing this for decades, I love them. 

The kiddos have like 2 more days of school. I’ve decided with all this going on, I’m not ready for them to be home for the summer.

Send well-wishes and maybe some moo moos! 

Weeks 31-33

31 Weeks:

31 weeks

Baby is feeling quite heavy. It felt like I would never get to this point. It’s difficult and uncomfortable, but I’m so happy to have made it here!

I was worried about the trend of my glucose numbers this week. I was at work and noticed about 2am that my numbers were just hanging out in the 180s. That lasted maybe an hour. The only recent snack I had eaten was baby carrots..so I was really hoping my Dexcom readings were off. I tried to recalibrate it with fingers sticks a few times this week, but the good and bad news is it was reading correctly.

Due to this the MFM started me on daily NPH insulin, which was a good thing in my book. I was assuming I would have to do like a sliding scale with rapid-acting insulin but intermediate feels much easier to use and easier to avoid hypoglycemia. It also doesn’t cross the placenta which is reassuring. 

Ivy’s NST at the MFM looked perfect for the week! 

There was still extra amniotic fluid, but it wasn’t more than last week.  Sweet girl is still super high up and breech. She did flip around so that her head is positioned in the opposite rib cage from last week. We have time for her to turn head down… we’ll see if she’ll cooperate. You know how youngest children are.

I spent my NST thinking of everything we've done to get Ivy here. Not just the pokes and prodding; the emotional and financial stress. After our devestating loss in 2019, I had to find patience for such a long time. Went back to school. Went to a few years of therapy. Five uterine biopsies with no guarantees. Months of antibiotics that made me sick to my stomach 24/7. I remember trying to explain gently to the kids that we aren't always in control of these things, no matter how much we desire them. I remember choosing a nursing specialty- trying to balance my interests with my worry about what triggers I could mentally handle. 

Then 5 1/2 years after our 7th loss, that miraculous positive pregnancy test that made me absolutely elated; while dread loomed over us. Months of night shifts full of disquiet and pain, without my meds. Anxiety to the point of agony that I would lose my last baby. THEN enter the poking and prodding (and diabetes.) And NOW- we really are less than 2 months away from meeting this baby we've dreamed of forever. It's still hard for me to grasp that it will really happen. I'm still scared. I just want to hold her and thank God that somehow this paid off. I've loved her for so much longer than I've had her!

Aidia has been asking me for a “big sister” t-shirt, which I thought was just the sweetest thing. Most of the ones she liked on amazon only went up to size 5-6, but she is an extra special big sister! A girl who is 8 1/2 years old can really help mom out with the new baby :) We found one in the right size that she loved and she looks so proud!

Getting my insulin filled was a joke. I spent so much time talking to insurance and pharmacists. I went to several pharmacies in different cities and there was always a new problem. I was about to be the crazy lady that breaks down crying in the pharmacy. But eventually I got it worked out. AND managed to get my TDAP shot on time so that Ivy can get those antibodies. 

My relief from solving that problem didn’t last long, as I managed to sustain a knee injury that night about 3am when I got up to pee for the 8th time. My range of motion was super messed up and I couldn’t drive. This Relaxin hormone- please note I have other kids to take care of! One more doctor visit to the Instacare added to my tab. My BP was high at the appointment but I was sure it was just from pain. Fortunately I live with a physical therapist, and that has its perks. I’ve never missed Ibuprofen more!! 

Happy Easter!

Easter morning on the way home from work, having been up for a day and night, I blew a tire. I stayed on the shoulder of the freeway buckled up while I waited for Kevin. Thankfully traffic wasn't horrible, but it was scary being pregnant in this situation. I felt so vulnerable. And tired. My Easter plans changed to just hoping I could get home in time to get enough sleep to go back to work. Kevin's gas light and check engine light turned on as he drove to come rescue me🫡. I think his car is okay for now- but we ended up needing to get 4 new tires for the van. That thing has to last forever.

32 Weeks:

32 weeks

The good news is, even if they let me go all the way to 39 weeks +1 day, we are only 50 days away from induction! 

Pebble ice continues to be the most delicious thing I have ever tasted. Every single day. It’s weird to think that insane craving will probably go away the second that baby is born. 

Work has been physically hard for a while, but it’s starting to feel more difficult emotionally. Maybe I’m also more sensitive- but sometimes life is cruel and horrible. Things can happen to beautiful newborn babies. Usually it’s no one’s fault. Secondhand trauma for caregivers is a real thing. Sometimes I come home from work and have nightmares all day. 

Despite the diet and insulin, I’ve still been gaining over a pound a week. I know it’s not really in my control at this point. It’s the opposite from my pregnancy with Aidia where I was constantly losing weight. It’s frustrating… but all I can do is my best. I wonder if part of what I’m gaining is fluid; I’m glad they are watching that. 

My nightstand at home is turning into my bedside table at work!

Aidia was home from school with a fever most of the week, but she was patient through being my helper for my weekly monitoring.

Ivy is okay but kept me on my toes in the 32 week monitoring session. Her NST wasn’t reactive enough to pass. The OB did a BPP ultrasound and didn’t get her to pass all the categories in the time she had allotted for my appointment. They didn’t want me to leave the hospital at that point until they made sure she wasn’t distressed. They sent me straight down to the MFM (who has more time to monitor on ultrasound). 

The MFM did an ultrasound to see if I needed to go to L&D for monitoring. Ivy’s still breech. I was not surprised at all. I have a lot of intense pain in my ribs where she likes to keep her head and it radiates straight through to that part of my back. She was acting sleepy and there was more fluid from last week. However, she did pass her BPP at the MFM within the time limit! I’m glad she did, but any little thing increases my anxiety. We did see her chubby cheeks on the ultrasound! So sweet. The MFM doc decided the insulin is working well enough after reviewing my weekly reported numbers, so we were allowed to go home after the ultrasound. 

After a very long day, I ended up needing to reschedule my proctored assessment for work due to sick kids at home. I’m trying so hard to finish everything possible for work before maternity leave; but it might not happen. I will just do the very best I can. When it comes down to it, I just need to get like 40 more hours to qualify for my FMLA this year. Everything else can be dealt with as it comes. 

I was very happy to spend the evening celebrating Aidia! She is so shy about accepting awards in front of people (she and Jack basically have opposite personalities) but I was just bursting inside! Yay! Not only did she earn a superior at her piano festival (the highest rating); she had two of three judges nominate her for a special honor! Only 20 students out of the entire Davis Ogden Chapter earned this- I don’t think she knows how talented she is!

My fasting sugars have been trending up the past few days and I’m surprised how much harder it’s been to keep control of the gestational diabetes this time. I worry about any ill effects for babe.

Every small thing has been wearing me out so much. I get tearful thinking I’ll never finish everything that I need to before baby comes (my nesting list specifically). I have to sit down and rest every 5 minutes like a wimp. I am always short of breath! Probably thanks to that sweet little head in my ribs. Please flip head down little one! Those sharp kicks straight to the cervix and the random vomiting into my throat might actually improve if she flipped over.

33 Weeks:

The bible is right. 40 days and 40 nights sounds like an eternity. But we want that brain and lung development!

The guilt when my sugar goes high is awful. I know it effects her and I hate that it's so much harder to control than it was with Aidia. I just need my pancreas to cooperate

At my weekly monitoring appointment I got the following updates: 

-Doctor is doubling my insulin 👎🏻

-She is no longer breech! So glad she flipped head down.

-The extra fluid increased again. They won't do anything about it as long as she passes her weekly NSTs. They just said it's going to be uncomfortable, cause contractions, and cause an "irritable uterus". Ow,

-Her fetal breathing looked much better this week which was a relief

I started the higher insulin dose, and the next morning my fasting glucose was even higher than it was previously. I was instantly depressed- why is nothing working? It stayed high for a few days so I emailed the MFM hoping for more advice. I’m so worried she’s going to be so big, and not be able to hold her sugars/temp when born. 3 days after the initial increase we increased the insulin again because it’s not reducing my numbers at all. I really hope the diabetes resolves when she is born, this is the pits. 

I’m 34 weeks tomorrow (come on Amber 5 more weeks… we got this.) I'm emotional and exhausted. I'm giving it my absolute all. Sometimes I have a total meltdown in front of the kids (usually in the kitchen as I'm trying to finish dinner.) I feel bad about that. But when you hit the absolute limit, there's nothing else left.

I have this worry that I'll be up during the day, then work all night- and my water would break right at the end of the shift. I would just be sobbing that I can’t give birth right now because I’m too exhausted and have to sleep after a night shift!

I'm not a fan of my new CGM sensor. It tends to read pretty low and alarm often. It makes it hard to stay asleep and it blocks you from turning off critical low alarms for safety. I don't want to turn my phone all the way off because I use my alarm. But I'm looking into ways of hard closing the app if needed because I'm so tired after work and absolutely need to sleep without constantly being alarmed at! It’s messy to take insulin at work because then my schedule for eating and sleeping is flipped, which probably does drop me low. Last night, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open on the way TO work 👀

However, I finally passed my required hours needed for my FMLA! Now that is a reason to celebrate! 

5 more weeks to go at the most! I hope she’ll come a little sooner than that, once we hit full term. Trying to keep that all in perspective <3