11 week update

This is how big baby is now!  The size of a lime!

Hello 11 weeks!  Baby's organs are functioning now (kids are independent so fast aren't they?)  He or she can yawn, and apparently the sense of smell is working now (even though I'm not sure what there is to smell...but that's what science says.)

The miracle of life will never be lost on me again.  I am astounded that every time we have had an ultrasound- the baby has grown and is still growing!  How has the baby not stopped growing?  How is it possible that everything is working as it is supposed to?  How is it possible that baby's little heart continues beating around the clock day after day?  Miracle just doesn't seem an adequate word to describe the experience.  Everything we have been through has given me a new appreciation and wonder in watching pregnancy unfold.  It seemed like an impossible fairy tale for so long.

At this stage, feeling growing twinges and pains and weird digestive sensations is a frequent experience.  And even though it seems early- I have been lucky enough to feel a couple of those unmistakable little somersaults this week.  It's too early for kicks because the bones aren't hard enough- but a few of the flips and flutters were definitely baby and not growing twinges!  I can't wait to feel it more defined and more often.  It will be so comforting and exciting.  

We check the heartbeat often, usually every few days.  It puts my anxiety at ease to hear baby alive and well. It's a lot easier to find the heartbeat now- baby is bigger and much higher up in my belly now.  This week went pretty smoothly- aside from one bad cramping episode that scared me quite a bit.  Of course that was the night I couldn't find the heartbeat right away.  I think managing my anxiety is going to be the most difficult part of this pregnancy for me.  The only other fun story this week was when I got a bloody nose- and the smell of blood was so strong that it made me want to vomit.  Haha- I'm pretty sure I looked ridiculous.

It's a little early to be nesting- but we have been in "spring cleaning" mode this week.  We've been rearranging furniture and trying to make space to put a crib in our room.  Our lovely little townhome is already a bit cozy for three and a dog- so I think it will take some work to make enough room for a baby.  I love just imagining it.  It's so hard for me to picture bringing a baby home- but the rearranging is helping make the vision real.  We'll probably move when our lease is up next March.  Baby will only be about three months old- so we can make it that long before we find a more spacious place to live.  Thankfully we're not having twins or we'd have to buy a new car too haha.

My score of the week was finding a lightly used pregnancy pillow to buy at half price!  It has been so hard to sleep already.  Mostly because of my back pain.  I was already taking a prescription anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxer to help manage my back issues before putting the extra pressure on it.  Now that I'm off all that medicine and hot baths I've been searching for relief.  I highly recommend the Snoogle! Haha don't you love all the ridiculous names for things to do with babies and motherhood?  I slept straight until 3am without tossing or turning my first night using the pillow.  Win!

Life has been kind of wearing me down lately.  We knew the last half year of Kevin's doctorate would be difficult- but you never really know how hard it is until you get there.  He is under an immense amount of stress right now.  Since baby is due in December, he is trying to take the board and get his license a few months before he graduates.  That way he can get a job right away, God willing.  It's hard to find time to study for the board since he works at least full time without pay and has online classes at night.  He can barely find time to study for his current exams.  The price of tuition has continued to increase, the amount of loans we have to live on is decreasing  We are getting thousands less than we anticipated.  There's really not much to do about it except trust that somehow things will work out.  The numbers just don't work out and my OCD brain has a hard time just accepting that!  It's just another trial of faith.  I'm hormonal anyway though...so meltdowns are known to come out of nowhere!  We have always managed somehow and the Lord has always blessed us before to get a last minute scholarship or loan or help from family.  Deep breath. :)      

My biggest worry currently is still the SCH.  I'm always anxious wondering what is happening with it.  I'm still in the process of trying to get into a new MFM- and I'm crossing my fingers that they will be willing to monitor the bleed more often than every 3 months.  I just need to know what's happening so I can make the best decisions.  If it gets large enough I know bed rest can be recommended- so why wouldn't it at least be monitored?!  I have a new doctor for my 12 week appointment next week- so I'm hoping I might get more support from the OB office after speaking with him.  Male OBs seem to be much more compassionate than women in my experience.  Haha.  Women are always like "suck it up you're fine."

I can't complain too much.  I will always have my worry- but right now I am feeling blessed.  Sometimes I truly can't believe how far this baby has made it!  What a blessing!  Keep growing little rainbow <3