My womb is now the size of a melon and baby is the size of a plum...and it's getting hard to hide! I still feel kind of embarrassed at how big I feel already- but I waited so many years for this that I'm just going to enjoy it! I feel like I'm getting to the stage where I have less bloat and more bump.
My OB apt went really well! I have actually LOST four pounds! Thank you morning sickness! Haha- that was quite the relief because I am feeling very fat. I loved the new doctor I saw. He walked in looking at my chart and said, "You have QUITE the history!" I wanted to hug him just for recognizing that. Sometimes I talk to doctors who don't seem to care at all and I just want to scream, "Do you have any idea what I've been through to get here?" He was genuinely happy that I've made it this far and said it's a really good sign that baby's heart sounds so good at this stage. Recently I've had some more spotting, so we just talked about taking it easy and letting the bleed stabilize. He said usually if the bleed is growing you will have active bleeding so it's a good sign when the spotting stops. He was very reassuring. He also agreed that I need to see an MFM- in fact he wants the perinatologist to do the 20 week anatomy scan instead of the OB office. I am so thankful that he wants me to get the best care. The OB office will see me back at 16 weeks to do some blood draws so I have a little break.
So the best news of the week is that I have an apt with a new MFM! It's in Provo so I don't have to commute so far and the office seemed much more willing to see me and work with me! Fingers crossed that I don't have to fight any more for the care I want baby to have. The appointment is a week from today- they have me scheduled for an ultrasound so they can measure the bleed and check on baby. After the ultrasound I get to meet with the perinatologist and come up with a game plan. That's all I've wanted! I am really hoping that the bleed is breaking up and hasn't continued to grow :/ I'm nervous. I just need to breathe through the anxiety for another week and hope for good news. So it looks like we will have an ultrasound at the MFM at 13 weeks and 20 weeks. We can have an ultrasound at 16 weeks at the OB office to find out boy or girl (if I can come up with 50 bucks haha!) I think I will want to have a 16 week ultrasound because it will be right in between the two others and help the anxiety. Also I think finding out the gender will help me bond with the baby.
I'm starting to realize that this pregnancy will probably not ever be easy for me- even when I "get to a certain point." Pregnancy will probably never be an easy thing for me ever again. That's ok though. I don't really care if it's easy as long as the end result is good. This is usually around the time when most women announce their pregnancy because you're almost past the "safe point." Unfortunately I know that the "safe point" is an illusion and there is no such thing in reality. I'm all too aware of the risk of late miscarriages and stillbirths. Even in my own family. I don't focus on it though. The risk for me has dropped substantially- and I still have age on my side. My chances are good at this point.
My back and hips have been killing me this week. I think it's mostly due to the lordosis in my back. It's hard to keep walking around when something will suddenly pop out- but I just need to take it as a sign that everything is growing! My PT husband can't wait for me to be in the postpartum stage so he can start new treatments with me. Someday I'll be able to walk normally!
I started a pinterest board of newborn photo shoot poses to share with my best friend and photographer. She's practicing so we can have a great shoot when baby is here! Looking at those pictures and letting it sink in that a baby is coming home filled me with such joy and excitement that it actually scared me. Sometimes I feel a sort of disconnect. Like my daydream is separate from reality. It's hard to accept that my baby is really growing and will quite likely be born alive and healthy. It seems so different from the reality that I've come to know. I have to remind myself that baby already has a basically fully formed body- that now needs to just grow and develop. I'm not waiting for baby to come- he or she is already alive and moving and with me now. I'm trying to just enjoy that fact.
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