This week has been full of all kinds of celebrations! We had lots of different events for the 4th of July and Kevin's birthday, and it made the week go by a little faster- thank goodness. I hope the weeks start dragging less as the pregnancy progresses. It really has been a good week! I've graduated from all hormonal supplementation, which feel crazy and a little scary, but it is an exciting step!
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| This little hand has grown so much! |
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| Animation of baby at 15 weeks |
Baby has continued developing rapidly- this week their legs are finally longer than the arms, so proportions are evening out. Baby is at least as large as an avocado this week- depending if we are still measuring ahead...maybe bigger. Our little one can now sense light through closed eye lids- which is just incredible. We are so excited to find out the gender in only 15 more days!
I've really been focusing on being happy this week. I saw this little meme floating around on Facebook that read, "Cherophobia: The fear of being too happy because 'something tragic' will happen." That resonated so strongly with me. I felt a renewed resolve to not let fear stand in the way of my joy. We never know what life will bring- but we have to enjoy it while it's happening. This is an experience we've waited for through six losses and four painful years. I don't want to taint our current joy with fear from our past experiences. For years, whenever we would lose a baby, we were told something about "God's plan" and I think I started to associate that idea with intense pain and sadness. God's plan meant you suffer through what He has planned because He knows better. I'm having a paradigm shift this week and remembering that God's plan for us holds more joy than we can comprehend. The struggle we endure will equal the blessings when all is made right. It seems like such a foreign concept that God could actually want this baby to live and be born into our family, and for our cup to overflow with happiness. When I think of all my other amazing blessings that were put right in my path, I wonder how I could have ever doubted God's love for me and His plan for my life. It's part of growing. In the hard moments, all I really need to do is the cliche "count my blessings." Then I remember.
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| Puppy bonding with Baby |
We've had some really exciting moments with Baby this week. One day when I was feeling anxious, I decided to check on the heartbeat, and I was thrilled with what I found! The heartbeat is so much louder now, and has morphed into a beautiful "galloping sound" which is a great sign of a healthy heart. It's funny now, because sometimes the heartbeat is so loud I know the doppler is right on top of it- but then baby will quickly move away. I'm glad that baby is somewhat bothered by the doppler poking around and moves away from it- another great sign! Haha! You can watch the heartbeat video below:
The most exciting part of this week for me was feeling movement start to come back! When I felt little flips at around 11 weeks- I think it was easy to feel them because baby stayed in the "corner" of my uterus, and I could feel it when baby would do a full somersault. Soon after that though, as my belly got bigger and baby moved more to the middle of my belly, I wasn't able to feel anything for a few weeks. Now that the skeleton is hardening it will continue to be easier to feel movements. It is still a rare occurrence, but this week I have felt a couple pushes and jumps- usually when I'm lying on my side. It is one of those experiences I wondered if I would ever have again. I used to wonder "Will I ever feel another one of my babies kick?" I am full of gratitude and I'm so glad I didn't give up. The best movement I felt this week was at the conclusion of the fireworks finale on the 4th of July. It was such great timing and an emotional moment for me. I was sitting there watching the show, and thinking about all that I am thankful for, when Baby gave me a great little reminder too.
My big boy is already growing into a great big brother. His excitement about the baby is contagious. He will watch those Baby Center medical videos about baby's development over and over. I sit there wondering "Is this appropriate for him..." haha. But then all week he repeats what he learned. He told me that baby can grab the umbilical cord and is swallowing fluid. Yesterday, I was in the kitchen, and Jack walks in with a flashlight and points it directly into my belly. Then he explains that baby can see light this week, and if we point a flashlight into where baby is, he or she will probably move away from it. He is so smart, and so loving. Every time he asks how baby is and I tell him "Good! Baby is doing really well!" he just smiles and says, "It's because I keep saying prayers for baby Mommy! Heavenly Father is blessing the baby." I don't think he knows how wise he is. I hope he can hold onto that childlike faith he has. I've started planning little ideas for his 5th birthday (??!!) and want to make sure he feels celebrated and loved before he is no longer an only child (hooray!!)
Here's to hoping this upcoming week is just as happy and exciting!
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