6 week update

This baby has officially lived longer than all my losses!  We're at 6 weeks today and I have not made it this far without a major problem since my pregnancy with Jack in 2011.  Though I have had some moments that have worried me (because I'm naturally very anxious) we have not had any major problems or red flags to be concerned about.  I'm just trying to breathe calmly through today because tomorrow we will have an ultrasound to check for a beautiful little heartbeat.  If my baby has a heartbeat, our risk of miscarriage drops substantially.  I haven't seen a heartbeat since Jack's first ultrasound.  I have often wondered if I would be privileged to ever experience that moment again.  It still sounds like a fairy tale.  It would be a literal dream come true and I'm praying with my whole soul that we get to celebrate that tomorrow.  May 1st was Bereaved Mother's Day and I spent most of the day thinking about other women I know who have lost children, instead of myself.  I feel like this year has been different so far.  It's a wonderful feeling and I hope to be able to stay positive.

This week has been more relaxing and less dramatic thankfully.  My symptoms for the most part have been reassuring. I've felt changes in my body every day, and I've started to feel sick.  I have crazy vivid dreams and restless sleep just like my first trimester with Jack.  Haha- yay!

I have loved watching how my baby should be growing this week!

Jack has asked me about why I was going to the doctor so often and why I've been doing shots in my tummy every night.  I told him I had some health issues they were trying to help me with and talked to him about blood clots.  He asked, "Are they trying to figure out that baby growing problem?"  I told him yes and he excitedly said, "When they figure out how to help you grow a baby again, I will get to have a little brother or sister and I won't have to play by myself anymore!"  I want to be able to give him that sooo much.  I know how much joy he would have in being a big brother.  If we see a heartbeat tomorrow, we're planning on telling him.  Everyone else in the family (and probably the world) knows and it almost gets spoiled for him daily.  I want to give him this t-shirt, and let him read it and figure it out.  I would love an ultrasound picture to give him with it.

The shots were getting more painful as time went on, but I did my very last one last night!! Such a happy moment.  It has been a trying thing for me.  I tried to be brave about it but I just don't have a high pain threshold and it was getting so painful to move.  As long as everything continues normally I won't have to do any more the rest of the pregnancy! No more shots!!! :D

 On that note of having a sore belly.  I've started to feel that extreme bloat this week.  Maybe it's just because I've been through these beginning hormones so many times, I don't know, but my pants were already getting uncomfortable!  I think I could have handled them just being tight, but they were all pushing against the bruises (even my leggings!) and finally I said screw it, I'll start in maternity pants early.  And what a relief it was!  No more belly pain with pants pushing into my bloated bruised belly! I have some extra around the middle to start with, but I'm surprised how little I'm able to "suck it in" already.  I'm going to look further along than I am.  Just like I did with Jack (people thought I was due to deliver by the time I was 20 weeks with him.)

I love these pants! Comfort at last!  I wish I didn't just look extra chubby but I'm happy to take it!
It was exciting, but a little emotional to shop for these pants in the maternity store.  They wanted me to sign up for coupons that go with your due date (like nursing coupons that show up when you're almost due etc) but I was still too scared to sign up for them.  So many times I've had a formula sample show up with a note that said "congrats on your one week old!" and I would just cry and cry with empty arms.  When I was finished shopping, the girl working smiled and told me "Congratulations!" again and cut me a beautiful carnation from the bouquet at the counter.  She handed it to me and said "Happy Mother's Day!"  I almost cried right there in the mall.  I was so emotional.  Someone gave me a flower and was celebrating the fact that I am pregnant, with no strings attached.  She didn't know my history.  She had no reason to doubt that my baby would be born healthy.  It was so refreshing to feel like my baby was real to someone.  Best mother's day present ever.

I will probably post again after our ultrasound- please keep those wonderful prayers coming!  I need them especially this week!  Thanks for your love and constant reaching out.  I love you all so much!