Ivy Laine Hanni: Birth Story

Through Sunday and Monday I definitely felt early labor symptoms through the day. It felt like an obvious shift to me that my body was prepping to give birth, even though I was still in week 36. Emotionally I felt a shift as well; I was crying much more easily and was exhausted by how difficult things were feeling. My vision went weird again- I wonder if it might have been related to my sugars? We never figured out why I was getting those auras. Thankfully I didn’t have any issues with blood pressure. I had malaise and general flu-like symptoms and just started focusing on preparing myself. Part of me wondered if I would make it to Thursday for the induction (even though that seemed silly since it was so early). 

Last little bit of nesting. Look at this cute and soft blanket! The house is still kind of a mess but ready or not here we go.

On Tuesday I woke up worried, wondering, “when was the last time I felt the baby move?” I remember feeling like that with Aidia when we were getting close to birth.  I basically had a light period all morning and felt like things were definitely progressing. I thought maybe my body was just DONE with this amount of fluid. It felt stressed to the max. My contractions were painful enough that I was a little nervous about driving myself to the MFM for my NST.

Last belly pic. I took it Tues morning and didn’t know what the day had in store.

Ever since I’ve been seen at the MFM and was feeling miserable with the extreme amount of fluid, my nurses would try to make me feel better by telling me this “horror story” of a woman who once got to a 60 AFI on her fluid measurement. Every week I was like “oh my gosh, you’re right, at least that’s not me.” Well, the day came. I was like at a 59.8. I heard the MFM doc in the hallway say, “This is ridiculous!” On the stress test, they could see that I was contracting every two minutes. So the nurse got permission to do a cervical check and I was at a 3. Between the cervical changes and the fluid, they took me to L&D for monitoring. I was desperate to go. I felt like I couldn’t breathe with the fluid and felt every contraction in my ribs. Basically the doctor said “we have a very low threshold for having a baby.” If I made any progress laboring on my own they were allowed to admit me to deliver- because of the complications and I was exactly 37 weeks.

Triage was miserable- a hour or two of not being able to get comfortable with the amount of fluid and trying to lay on a gurney. I started thinking- I might actually have this baby today. I regretted not eating before my appointment- I had planned to eat lunch after. And now I was laboring with low glucose. I lucked out and my nurse let me have graham crackers and apple juice and I felt so much better with a little bit of sugar. Especially since I did my insulin injection the night before.

I called a babysitter for the kids and texted Kevin to just be on standby in case I got admitted. I was so hopeful I would make progress because I was so desperate for them to break my water. Due to the pain, of course, but moreso I was afraid of it breaking away from the hospital due to the potential risks. Luckily, I progressed to a 4 within an hour and was admitted to have a baby!

With my other two kids, I never went into a regular labor on my own, and I was so thrilled my body was doing this on its own. No pitocin on board, and my contractions were nice and regular! They asked if I was okay to get the epidural before my water broke, in case of emergent surgery. I of course agreed because I did not want to be put under in an emergency if at all possible. If the situation was different, I definitely could have labored longer before asking for the epidural, but I knew things might change quickly as baby tried to adjust to the lack of all that fluid.

I dread getting epidurals because I have a congenital spinal fusion and they have always struggled to get it in the right place. I told the anesthesiologist when he came in that he’s going to have to place higher than he thinks due to the spinal malformation. I was hoping it would be a quick one or two tries, but it was actually the worst experience I’ve had with getting an epidural. He explained to me later that due to the fusion, the space they are looking for doesn’t really exist, but before he figured that out (and went much higher than he anticipated, like I said) he attempted over and over and over and over again. For an hour and a half I curled over, during contractions, hoping it would be over soon. I screamed every time it was in the wrong place and grated down those nerves. I tried so hard to be brave, but he struggled to get the local lidocaine to numb me very much. I kept asking for more lidocaine shots because it was excruciating- like being stabbed in the back.

Eventually I begged for a break, and he looked up CT images from like 2019 to help guide him with my anatomy. Every one of those “pops and clicks” as he described it, felt like a full on lumbar puncture. I was so exhausted with pain when we finally started to get some numbness in my feet. My back felt bruised and honestly stomped on. 

All my epidural attempts

I was excited to relax after my epidural, but I suddenly kept getting really nauseous and sick. Probably from the meds they pushed through my IV at the end of the epidural attempts to help me get through the continued attempts. I felt like I was passing out and throwing up at the same time. I broke out into a cold sweat. They ended up having to give me some IV meds to keep my blood pressure up because I kept dropping really low. When my pressure returned to normal I felt a million times better. 

The doctor decided to do a controlled water break to try to slow down how fast all that fluid would drain. She fashioned a little tool with a small needle in it (instead of the usual tool they break your water with) to poke a very small hole in the sac and put pressure on that with her finger. Basically they didn’t want all of it to come flooding out and take any cord with it (cord prolapse is terrifying to me, let’s avoid that emergency). They didn’t want any baby limbs floating out with the “tidal wave” either. The doctor kept her finger on that membrane as long as she could until everything had ripped and the fluid had drained. I could not believe the number of towels soaked during this procedure. When it was all done, I seriously did not even feel pregnant any more due to the pressure relief. I was so happy that my water was broken in a controlled environment. The anxiety of it breaking somewhere else resulting in major complications was finally gone.

Pretty quickly after my water broke, Ivy’s heart rate started dropping. They repositioned me to see if we could move any pressure off the cord, but nothing changed. Afterwards, they asked permission to place an internal monitor to make sure what we were seeing was accurate. It was. After that, with her stress still evident, they started infusing saline back in to the uterus, to see if that would help her adjust to such a huge and sudden change in pressure from a large amount of fluid being gone. 

I was still at 4cm at this point, and the doctor came to talk to me. She said she was concerned that Ivy wasn’t tolerating labor and that I still had a long way to go. She said if I was at a 9 she would be more comfortable trying to push through to the end, but she was worried about a possible placental abruption (when the placenta detaches too early) due to the uterus shrinking so rapidly after a massive amount of fluid draining. She said we were stable at this point, but I should consider how I felt about a c-section. I told her I understood everything she said and I would rather go before it was a true emergency because if it’s an abruption I don’t want my baby going without oxygen. 

And off we went to the OR. (Spoiler alert: I did have a placental abruption due to the quick and major change in size of the uterus. About 30% had detached. I’m so thankful I started going into full labor AT the hospital. I’m relieved we were able to do a controlled water break. If my water broke at home on its own, with so much extra fluid, outcomes could have been very different.) 

I have always been afraid of a C-section. Not because I’m afraid of surgery, but because my body metabolizes certain drugs really fast and I struggle with pain relief and getting numb. I have woken up during scopes, been rescheduled by the dentist after they max out on novocaine without success, had conscious sedation fail during eye surgery, and the list goes on! I’ve had too many experiences of suddenly feeling sharp, searing pain when I’m supposed to be numb. I tell doctors to “dose me like a redhead!” 

Luckily (or not) the anesthesiologist had experienced this with me firsthand when trying to numb me and place my epidural. He said he was planning to give me everything he could safely in surgery. 

When I was on the table, I just looked at Kevin and felt the panic surge when they put the blue drape up. I had been told before a spinal makes it so you “can’t even feel that you have legs”; I still felt like I could perhaps move my legs and feet. I looked at Kevin and just said over and over through tears, “I’m scared, I’m scared.” At that point however, Ivy’s heart rate was down to 90 and my doctor said “Okay, I don’t like that, let’s go now.” That helped me focus, we needed to get her out. I’m glad we didn’t wait. In spite of how awful it was to get the epidural placed- it worked. I didn’t feel the sharp pain of surgery. I did feel the “pressure” of birthing her, when a big tall doctor got up on a stool and put his whole weight on my abdomen to help push her out. 

Ivy Laine Hanni

Born 8:29pm at 37 weeks

7lbs 11oz

19.5 inches

I don’t remember a lot about after she was born, because that’s when they push the bigger drugs to finish surgery. I do remember telling Kevin that Ivy was beautiful! They took my tubes out before closing as I had requested in advance. I know we are done having children, and I’m so done after 10 pregnancies in total. It’s still a weird kind of sadness (especially weird to have mixed feelings since Kevin already had a vasectomy before she was born!) 

I remember asking where Ivy was as they were finishing surgery. Kevin reassured me that she was being checked out by the team and getting some respiratory support. I wasn’t too worried about her needing some CPAP at the time (pretty common) but maybe part of it was the drugs, because I don’t actually remember her crying and it seems that would have worried me. Kevin told me later she didn’t ever have a strong cry after birth. 

Kev’s first look. I do not like how floppy she looks here- sets off all the alarm bells

1-2 seconds later. Thank you to her awesome medical team

At some point I was told that Ivy was being admitted to the NICU. She was requiring help past the 3 hours of “transition” they give them. I was sad that I still hadn’t met her, but they told me they could take me down to the NICU. She was on CPAP so she wasn’t able to eat yet. I was told I could start pumping and they could tube feed the colostrum the next day. She was on IV clears in the meantime. They admitted her under the diagnosis of respiratory distress syndrome and told me she would be on IV antibiotics for a few days to rule out infection as a cause.

Meeting my babe

It was the weirdest feeling not being with my baby, she almost didn’t feel like mine. I was in a unit with lots of moms and babies, and I was just in a room without a baby. Her eyes were so swollen and with the CPAP and tubes, etc I could barely make out what she looked like.

Two girls looking a little beat up after the birthing experience. Matching swollen eyes.

Wednesday- My blood pressure had been low and I was feeling sick from it, so they drew some labs. The doctor came in and told me I was borderline for needing a blood transfusion (looking at the pictures now, that makes sense- I looked like a vampire). I ended up getting an iron infusion to start and then they decided against the blood since I started doing a little better. 

I found out that between my blood clotting risks and having surgery, I have to do lovenox injections for 6 weeks. I was so excited to quit the insulin injections- but now I am switching to a way more painful daily shot. 

I’m sad that I don’t really remember the kids meeting Ivy. I kind of do, but it’s more like snippets of a dream than a memory. I remember some family coming to meet her, but just pieces. I wasn’t sure it really happened. I felt really vulnerable later like- what did I say and do when people came to visit?! Those surgery drugs all caught up to me. Lactation came to try to talk to me and do some education and I fell asleep sitting up TWICE while talking to the woman. I feel bad about that…but I’m sure it’s not the first time it’s happened. 

Pretty baby. Her skin is really red here from polycythemia- which can happen with gestational diabetes. It didn’t cause any major issues.

Ivy was only tube feeding at the moment due to respiratory distress, which made me really sad that I couldn’t try to breastfeed her. She really liked when I would get to the NICU and do skin to skin with her. My hopes were that she could go from bubble CPAP to high flow oxygen, to try to help her discomfort and swelling (and so she could maybe nonnutritive breastfeed during the tube feed.) But she wasn’t stable enough. We also found out she has a tongue tie also. 

Trialing high-flow oxygen

ivy laine <3

Thursday

My poor girl had to go back on bubble CPAP, she had increased work of breathing and her chest X-ray was worse. I didn’t expect this with a 37 week gestation baby, there are babies way younger than her on much lower respiratory support. I thought maybe she would need a low flow nasal cannula for a day or two. I couldn’t understand the full picture of what the problem is. 

Friday

I’m miserable watching how restless she is. I want her to know who I am. I hate that she’s 4 days old and has never attempted to breastfeed (you have to be able to breathe for that). We have been trying skin to skin more, she really seems to calm doing that with me. Kevin gave her a really nice father’s blessing.

While the medical team expects that inflammation and fluid are to blame for her respiratory problems, they aren’t entirely sure why it’s happened. They are unsure if it is related to the polyhydramnios. Ivy hates the CPAP but she’s worn out from working so hard to breathe. 

I know things could be so much worse, but they are discharging me tomorrow. To leave my baby at the hospital and go home feels criminal. I’ve watched lots of other families come and go with their babies and I wish that was our situation. I’m just happy she’s alive. She’s here. We’ll be okay.

I will do a future post about our NICU journey <3

Glad I Asked

(36 weeks)

I about fell over when I weighed in for my weekly glucose log- I gained 6 more pounds this week! That’s about 15 pounds in 3 weeks- with my sugars well controlled. You can’t see it in my face or ankles or anything, so I knew it had to be amniotic fluid. The nurse told me the fluid weighs 8 pounds a gallon, so with the ever growing polyhydramnios it’s no wonder I’m miserable and struggling to move.

That night, I was getting ready for bed with the TV on, and suddenly I couldn’t see parts of the TV. I kept trying to rub my eyes and fix my vision, but looking around the room I just saw blurry “tv static” and flashing lights. I tried to look something up on my phone, but I couldn’t read my phone. That really scared me. My vision changes were bad enough that I wouldn’t have been able to drive. I have a history of migraines but I’ve never had an aura like that before. Also I didn’t have a headache. My blood pressure was fine, I took it a few times.

We were so tired and I really just wanted to go to bed (I had been up since 4am). The idea of going to the hospital at midnight just for them to tell me everything was fine sounded terrible. I couldn’t put my babe at risk though if something was going on- so I called the on call doctor to see if I could monitor the acute vision changes at home. He basically was like ‘sudden onset vision changes at 36 weeks, absolutely not.’ So, we headed to L&D for monitoring. Better safe than sorry; we hoped all that would come from it is a bill.

At the hospital, we did labs but the doctor didn’t send them for testing because my blood pressure was good and my vision changes didn’t match preeclampsia vision changes. She wasn’t worried about HELLP syndrome since my right rib pain has been going on for weeks.

Surprisingly, while we were there my contractions started picking up. They were happening every 1-3 minutes and getting stronger. I had only been dilated to a 1 at my OB apt earlier in the day, but I went to a 2 or 2.5cm and 70% effaced while we were there. They gave us the option to stay and keep monitoring, but I could tell contractions weren’t staying regular. Plus I had been up for 24 hours at that point. Kevin had to be up for work in a few hours- so we headed home.

We managed to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep before Aidia woke us up feeling sick for the third day in a row. I was thinking maybe it was more than a spring cold at this point. I took her temp and it was 103. I took her to the doctor that morning and she was positive for influenza B (?!) at the end of May.

By that night I was running on basically no sleep. The rib pain makes it impossible to lie down for long, no matter how desperate and tired I am. My ribs squeeze and pop in and out. Unfortunately it also hurts to sit or stand. The more miserable I felt, the more I worried I was also fighting off the flu. The body aches and general malaise were terrible. My OB was great and called in Tamiflu for me to try to kick this fast/ prevent it. Baby is coming so soon, I worry about protecting her the most. 

9 months pregnant and influenza in the house was not on my May bingo card. I was having contractions on top of body aches (no ibuprofen allowed is a different kind of misery in this situation.)

Poor Aidia missed the entire last week of school! That’s such a bummer for a second grader since they do all the fun activities at the end.

I feel like I have to give up on my nesting list. I can’t even keep up with normal cleaning. I’m just going to have to clean the house after the baby. I can’t get things off the floor and can’t stand in place for more than a minute without totally running out of breath. Of course, Kevin is amazing and is helping me with it every minute he’s not working.

My nervous system loves to make me feel guilty if I’m not actively working on my to-do lists. Which is dumb- because I already know I physically can’t sort toys or clean shelves with this fluid increasing every day. I need to just try to breathe, and be an incubator, and figure out how to sleep. 

I re-injured my bad knee trying to stand up. When I feel the pain shoot down my leg, I worry it's going to give out on me. I can't take anti-inflammatories, and last time it snapped like this they wouldn't do a steroid injection at the Instacare. Hopefully I can figure out something. I really can't put weight on it. (Kevin ended up installing a grab bar in the bathroom for me so I can get up and down from the toilet. It sounds like a joke but it has saved my life). 

The next morning, I got up for my NST appointment and was constantly praying. I felt like- I literally can’t make it 20 more days to 39+1. I was begging God to help us figure out the best plan. If I just need to endure it, fine, but I felt like there was more going on. 

36 weeks + 2

Have you ever felt nervous/embarrassed to advocate for yourself? Even as a nurse, I get shy about speaking my mind. At the MFM, I gathered up all my courage and asked them if there was any way they could squeeze me in for the growth ultrasound a week early. Having a ton of fluid is one thing, but I also felt like this baby might be very big. My nurses (again, heroes) rushed around the office looking at schedules and talking to the doctor- and actually got me in. Amazingly there had been a cancellation. Answered prayer. And turns out, I think they may have given me my only shot at avoiding a c-section because they listened to me. 

Growth ultrasound at 36+2 showed this baby girl at the 99th percentile. An estimated 8lbs 12oz already! That’s before the fluid so it’s no wonder I feel like my head might pop off from all the pressure.

Sweet little fist she kept sucking on

The doctor said based on those measurements, they would not feel comfortable attempting a vaginal delivery at 39 weeks because she would be so big (read: shoulder dystocia). Now I know people can deliver 10+ pound babies vaginally- please don’t come for me. I know it’s possible. I, however, have no interest in attempting that. I’ve seen the maneuvers and…no thanks. I also would like to avoid surgery- so I was really glad we saw these results when we did. I’m so glad I asked for an earlier scan. 

We still don’t know why the polyhydramnios is so bad. They said it might be idiopathic since my sugars have been well controlled. 

The doc said between her size and the severity of the polyhydramnios, he’s comfortable inducing between 37-38 weeks. I could have cried. That’s exactly the choice that feels right. Technically that’s still early, so we will need to make sure her lungs are doing well. Being a NICU nurse puts that in perspective. I would rather have her need a little respiratory support for a few days instead of emergently ending up with a broken collar bone or something. What if my water broke and we didn’t know how big she was when we started a vaginal delivery.

The chances of my water breaking spontaneously at 36 weeks is lower, and I feel much safer being in the hospital early enough that they can break my water. Any type of emergency related to the polyhydramnios, like a cord prolapse, could be addressed immediately that way. 

The doctor also said it might take a lot for my uterus to clamp back down after birth to stop the bleeding, since it’s so stretched out. His note said to prep for possible postpartum hemorrhage. The nurses said to expect some intense after pains.

The induction is set for Thursday evening- so she would likely be born at 37 weeks plus 2 or 3 days. At this point, I’m more afraid of trying to go further than inducing a little early. 

Doesn’t feel real yet!

Despite this baby being giant...I feel like it's the fluid that's killing me! Most nights I feel like my ribs are snapping (ribs are where my contractions are the most painful!) So weird.  Some nights I'm sure I have broken a rib. I've been wondering if my tailbone is going to rebreak too. I hope not! I know this will all be worth it and forgotten soon!

5 more days to endure before I meet my (undiagnosed triplets?!)

What A Year This Week Has Been (Weeks 34 & 35)

It’s wild how many things can change in a couple weeks. Starting on a positive note, here are some of my favorite maternity pictures we got back! They were taken at 32 weeks and I can’t believe how big I already looked in all of these. Some felt too embarrassing to post! I love how great this handful turned out- they make a perfect addition to our family photo book.

34 weeks

I gained FOUR pounds this week! I don’t understand. I more frequently have low sugars rather than high now- and there’s no way I’m eating extra calories. My OB said extra fluid is heavy, and my fluid volume went up again. I told the doctor I'm in a lot of pain and swallowed my tears down as fast as I could. They measured my belly and instead of 34 weeks, I’m measuring 39 weeks with the extra fluid! No wonder I can’t catch my breath and every movement hurts. They won’t induce before 39 weeks because that’s healthiest for baby (I’m on board with that). 

I will have a growth ultrasound at 37 weeks and they will have a discussion about a C-section if she shows to be more than 4500g (9.9 pounds). I wonder now if they mean she would have to be weighing that much at 37 weeks?! Because that would still leave 2 more weeks for her to grow. I know Jack weighed 9.4lbs but I swear I did not walk right for a year. All of that aside, they are still planning a vaginal delivery for me- I can probably do it as long as she’s not like 10 or 11 pounds. I’m too afraid of shoulder dystocia.    

If I do end up in a C-section they said they will take out my tubes for me if that’s what I want (and it is!) I think the more closed this chapter is, the happier I will be moving on. The 34 week NST showed an irritable uterus (from the fluid) but Ivy is doing great!

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I still have a month left of work and I have my big proctored work assessment tomorrow. I have so much left to prep for the cardiac section- but I’m overwhelmed and I can’t focus. I no longer have the stamina for this level of cramming.

As it turned out, Jack had an absolute crisis the morning I was supposed to take the proctored test. I couldn’t get him to school. I didn’t have anyone available to help me manage him and he wasn’t being safe. I had to cancel my test. 

I just cried and cried. I feel like I’m being spread too thin. I am not allowed to go back to work part-time after leave now. I needed to do 6 paired critical shifts once I passed that test, and now there won’t be enough time. But I really tried. I was as ready as I could be, given the circumstances. 

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I am trying to tell myself that my body is strong and I can carry this baby as long as she needs- even with the extra fluid, but the shortness of breath and dizziness is hard.

The “worth it” moments!

That third trimester insomnia has definitely kicked in. It makes no sense to be this exhausted and sore and never be able to stay asleep. The tossing and turning is physically more difficult now with my huge fluid-filled belly. Pelvic pain makes it hurt to turn over in bed, walk, climb stairs, or pretty much anything. 

At 34 weeks- Ivy's brain only weighs like 2/3 of what it will full term. Motivation to keep going! I truly hate to sound like I'm complaining about my miracle. It's so worth it. It’s also hard to feel like you've been hit by a bus with every move you make. They are not mutually exclusive facts.

••●━━━━━━●••

My dyspnea suddenly got so bad one day. I could not catch my breath for hours. I checked my sats with a pulse ox and luckily my oxygen was fine. My heart rate was just fast from all that work of breathing. I had a couple little emotional moments when I was just trying to clean and pick up shoes or whatever, and literally couldn’t do it. I would have to stop every 15 seconds gasping. I would sit, stand, lay on either side, and just couldn’t get comfy enough to breathe easily. 

From what I’ve read, this is one of the most common problems with moderate to severe polyhydramnios. It makes me worried about working over the weekend (with it being Mother’s Day and Nurses’ Week, naturally I’m working! Haha.) I’ll do my best. If I literally can’t breathe at work, we’ll have to take it from there.

I feel extra lucky to celebrate Mother’s Day this year! Every morning that I wake up and feel Ivy moving, I feel immense gratitude.

Having a baby at age 21 (first pregnancy), age 26 (eighth pregnancy), and age 34 (tenth pregnancy) was never how I expected family planning to go for us. Despite all the loss and despair, giving up was not the correct choice for us. Now I feel extra blessed to experience motherhood in such a variety of circumstances and phases of my adult life!

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A coworker (and virtual stranger) gave me the best mother's day gift ever! She noticed how much I was struggling to move and breathe at work and told me she would pick up 8 hours of my shift the next night, if I wanted. I of course said that was too generous- but she shrugged that she didn't have kids and might as well help. I could have cried at the relief she offered. That whole shift, trying to breathe felt like a blood pressure cuff around my ribs. I felt emotional that she noticed. 

People can be so kind. Though it was awkward, it was so funny when I was standing in a long line at Kohl’s and an old lady behind me started randomly rubbing my back without saying a word! I guess I looked like I needed it. She told me about all the great-grandkids she has. 

Currently, I last about 15 seconds at a time while making dinner before I have to sit down and catch my breath. I try not to get in spats with my teenager in the evening because I can’t control my tears anymore when I feel this crummy. Parenting these older angsty kids is so hard! Especially those with opposition and defiance issues. Defiant kids hurl insults towards you that somehow continue to shock and hurt. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball because I feel like I must have failed somewhere along the way! I miss my little buddy. For more than 5 years, it was just us. I'm trying to somehow prepare for a new child, while struggling with feeling like an incompetent parent. Does everyone feel incompetent when they have teens? Why do kids have to grow up? I worry we're not doing enough to help him but I don't know what else to do.

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35 weeks

I gained ANOTHER 4 pounds this week. That’s 8 pounds in 2 weeks and my belly is unbearably tight with fluid. I went to my MFM appointment- they took one look at me and said “your uterus is so distended.” I told them when I have contractions I feel them in my ribs and back now. I told them how I can’t physically keep up at work. They did my weekly AFI measurement and it had increased to over 38, which put me in the “severe” category for polyhydramnios. The nurse was so understanding and validating (nurses really are the BEST). Even when I carried Jack, my huge over-9-pounds baby, the pain was not like this. It’s not like I’m carrying multiples, so I was feeling pretty wimpy. The nurse told me sometimes extra fluid is harder to carry than multiples, where you have more solid mass. I held back the tears that entire appointment. When you hit a physical breaking point, it makes emotions that much closer to the surface.

They didn’t want to do an amnioreduction due to the risks (me either), but were understanding about the shortness of breath and pain. They wrote me a doctor’s note recommending I start my maternity leave a few weeks early. I don’t want to leave early, but I know I can’t do a good job at work right now. The relief was palpable when they handed me that letter. There’s lots of paperwork to figure out with short term disability and leave, and eventual FMLA hopefully. But at least I can do it from home! 

Ivy looked pretty low down and head engaged on the scan- which was a relief. With this much fluid, there’s a bigger risk of cord prolapse when your water breaks, which is a complication I’m terrified of. 

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I have lots of contractions now- just enough to be really uncomfortable but not progress into labor. Going on leave came exactly when I needed it to, and I’m so thankful. I’m to the point where I can only sleep for an hour or two at a time and I’m almost relieved when morning comes so I can stop trying. The nights feel very long. It’s hard to toss and turn but the pain in my ribs and back demand it. Kevin says I cry or groan in my sleep when I finally pass out. He thinks I might have a rib or two out of place, but he can’t really pop it back in until baby is born. Although I’m in a state of being constantly worn out, I remind myself that I’ve been measuring full term for a while from the fluid and I’m not just mentally done.

The best I can do for baby is keep toughing it out. But I am definitely to the point where I am fine with her coming at any point once we hit 37 weeks. 

I basically feel like I have the body of Jim Carrey’s Grinch and none of my clothes fit anymore. But there’s always dresses and jumpers.

••●━━━━━━●••

My sugars have been much more controlled the past two weeks! I was hoping that would help decrease the fluid, but the most I can likely hope for is that it doesn’t continue to climb. I would recommend CGMs to anyone- they are so helpful for seeing glucose changes in real time and more consistent monitoring. There are things with them that are annoying, especially when you put a new sensor in and it causes too much trauma in the tissue to be accurate. Then you have to send it back to the company to get a new one. They are expensive so keep two on hand in case this happens! The Libre 3 definitely hurts more to put in than a Dexcom 7, but they are smaller and last longer. Pros and cons.

Immediately needed to put a new sensor in after this one shut itself off from the bruising :/

I packed my “go bag” and put it in the car (wishful thinking that she’ll come at 37 or 38 weeks). It’s not so much that I’m feeling impatient- but the pain from the extra fluid feels unbearable most of the day and at least half the night. I just want baby to stay healthy. I’ll deal with whatever I need to for that. My scars have all stretched out and every bra and shirt I own dig into the compounding edema. I feel like my ribs might burst at any moment.

The MFM nurse told me I had “stamina.” I have to keep reminding myself of that- it’s a powerful self affirmation. 

My family on my Dad’s side threw my sister and I an awesome baby shower BBQ. It was so nice to focus on celebrating for a day!

My cute sister Kellie and I- due less than a month apart. This side of my family has had 4 baby girls due within 6 months! 

Three more weeks sounds like a lifetime to my body, but my house needs at least 6 weeks of preparation! Did anyone out there actually finish nesting with their 3rd?! Maybe I can do more cleaning once baby is born and I can move around again.

••●━━━━━━●••

I had my 9 month appointments (one day early) today. The change in my size from 8 months to 9 months is a JUMPSCARE. Never underestimate fluid.

I'm at that point again where I know it's really beneficial for Ivy to stay put for a few more weeks, but I also know she would be ok with a bit of intervention if she was born. I get scared that something bad will happen while we wait for her appearance. We've made it this far though, and I just have to take it one day at a time. I felt this way with Aidia too.

My fluid went up AGAIN at the AFI measurement today. It went from 38 six days ago to 46.7!! (reminder that normal is 5-20ish). They measured my oxygen, and since my sats are fine it’s not an indication to induce. It’s just misery to live with while we wait. But Ivy passed her NST!

My belly is measuring “50 weeks” (if that was a thing). My cervical check showed I’m only dilated to a 1, so they don’t anticipate my water breaking. Baby isn’t super engaged because she’s mostly floating in her giant swimming pool. 

Normally you can’t get very good pictures this late, but with all the fluid we can see her floating and enjoying her giant bath. I love seeing her relaxed little hands.

9 more days until the growth ultrasound, and depending on her size we will see if we need to intervene more. I just need to survive until then. The MFM nurses said they both “plan to plead my case” that day about why we should deliver before 39+1. They are so funny and have been doing this for decades, I love them. 

The kiddos have like 2 more days of school. I’ve decided with all this going on, I’m not ready for them to be home for the summer.

Send well-wishes and maybe some moo moos!