23 week update

Well tomorrow is my birthday and I have to say that being 23 weeks pregnant is the best present ever!  All my birthday wishes over the years have finally come true.  Jack was born just 12 days after my 21st birthday- I didn't think I would be 26 before giving birth again.  I'm older, wiser, and even more excited!

 This week had some huge changes for our family because Mr. Jack Jack started all-day Kindergarten.  So far he is loving it!  I'll admit the new schedule of getting him up and ready and driving him to school has made me more tired than normal.  Up to this point I was getting my best sleep in the early hours of the morning since I toss and turn most of the night.  I know I SHOULD nap while he's at school but I always make these long to-do lists for myself and I feel guilty if I'm not super productive while he's gone.  It's a very short window that I have the house to myself to get everything ready for Aidia.  The anxiety and stress with him starting school were pretty high- I hope now that everything is in motion that I'll be able to settle in and relax.  I'd be lying if I said my mommy heart wasn't hurting this week with him at school- but I am so proud of him.

This week has had plenty of nesting opportunities.  Little gifts from people are starting to trickle in and I can't tell you how much it warms my heart!  We feel so loved and I feel like Aidia is so loved by so many.  These little surprises have made my day in ways I can't even explain!

One of our best finds this week was a rocking chair!  I had registered for one of the fancy armchair rocker at Target- but as luxurious as those are, I knew it wasn't realistic to get one.  They're like $400 with the ottoman and take up more space than we likely have.  I glanced at KSL once in a while but usually only found old and worn down nasty looking chairs- I still wanted something decent.  So the other day, Kevin comes home from work and says, "There's a rocker next to the dumpster with a free sign on it.  I think you'll actually like it."  We ran down there to check it out and wow what a great find!  For free!  I just need to wash it and try to fluff out the pillows a bit, but it matches the nursery and everything.  I feel so blessed.  That was just a tender mercy.  One less thing on my list!  Check out my cute chair!  Ignore the sun streaming in- it looks like someone painted white stripes on my couch.

My other favorite nesting project this week was getting my changing pad and cover in the mail!  I've been saving all the little deals from different stores to come along and I'm happy with the sales I've found.  The cover is a tad tight since I got a four sided changing pad instead of the more common two-raised-sides pad, but I think it will work fine. I love it because it is quilted and sooo soft.  I need to get around to finishing and painting the dresser still.  Maybe this weekend.

My only real concern this week has been with fetal movement.  I know at this stage it's possible to feel baby lots one day, and almost nothing the next (though it's always scary when that happens.)  I worry more that I haven't felt any strong kicks since that one last week.  Most of her movements now feel more like early flutters instead of any kicks or jabs.  I try to remind myself that I have an anterior placenta and that she is lying sideways.  My doc said by 24 weeks that shouldn't matter any more- so I am really hoping that the kicking gets harder this week.  Jack was such a firm kicker that by this stage it was already uncomfortable.  If it movement is still infrequent and subtle as the week goes on, I'll probably call the OB and ask about it.  Although I'm sure they'll brush it off since it's too early for technical "kick counts" which don't start until about 28 weeks.  As of now I'm just thankful every time I feel her move regardless. <3

22 week update

This week our little coconut is doing well!  Now that her movements are more purposeful, she's been "exploring" and kicking more, and Kevin even felt the slightest bit of a kick last night.  I'm excited for those kicks to be strong enough for him to really be able to feel her and participate more in bonding.  I imagine it always becomes more real for the daddy once he can feel the baby moving too.

I've still been struggling with the SI pain, especially moving at night, but the SPD has been under control so I'm thankful for that.  I'm sure it will be a challenge to keep it under control as I keep growing and my center of gravity keeps shifting!  I had one episode of spotting this week, which was unnerving to say the least, but the doctors aren't too concerned and gave me some things to watch out for.  Despite all the little scares, this little girl just fights through it and is determined to be a happy healthy baby.

My anxiety has been pretty high this week- but I think it's just natural with so many big changes coming up for us.  Obviously December is a big month for us, with Aidia due and Kevin graduating (and hopefully finding a job immediately)- but next week Jack starts full time school and I think that's what's really throwing me for a loop.  It's such a huge change and a new phase of parenting for me.  I keep hoping I've prepared him enough with all he needs to know to be away from me 7 hours a day, five days a week.  He is so excited and I know he is going to excel.  But somehow I still feel guilty about having my five year old spend 35 hours a week away from me.  I hope to spend the time at home working on all my nesting projects that are already driving me crazy haha.  I lay awake at night and think about every corner and forgotten cupboard of the house and feel like everything has to be totally reorganized and cleaned before we can bring a baby home.  

Cute little school uniforms and school supplies.  Be still my heart. <3

Who am I kidding?  This almost-five-year-old is so ready for Kindergarten.

I'm so excited that my amazing sister-in-law has made me the take home outfit that we wanted!  The second outfit was a total surprise but I love it just as much as the first!  It's going to be so perfect, I can't wait to see Aidia all snuggled and safe coming home with us.  

I'm thankful for the blessings of another week, that our baby girl is alive and well, and that we are only 2 weeks away from that viability milestone!  Thank you for your continued love and prayers!  <3

21 week update

Baby girl has definitely grown this week, because I sure have!  Those little kicks are slowly but surely getting stronger day by day.  My favorite fun fact of the week is that Aidia is now having more regular sleep patterns, and is likely dreaming!  I wonder what she dreams about- I'm sure the dreams are heavenly, I would love a peak at what she sees.

I'm so happy to be halfway through the second trimester, every single day I am reminded of God's miracles.  They are so much more obvious when you have to wait for them to happen.  I forgot to write last week that Aidia is now measuring normal for the due date instead of big (hooray!!)  I love my Jack Jack but if I can avoid birthing another baby over 9 lbs, that would be great.  It gives me more confidence that my due date is correct also (Jack was likely two weeks late.)  

I've been thinking this week about the hymn "I Need Thee Every Hour."  We sing "I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain."  That has never struck me as more true than in my life now.  I used to think in our time of joy we needed God because we just needed to be thankful.  Now more than ever, I need Him to help me feel my joy.  We have dreamed of this time of miracles for so long, that I struggle believing, thinking, "it's too good to be true."  I got so used to the idea that strong faith meant having the faith "not to be healed" and knowing that life would still be ok, and even good.  Faith can also mean believing in being healed.  God never left us even in our darkest days, and I still need Him now to help me celebrate our joyous days.  I pray with gratitude, but I also pray for help to have faith to be happy and have joy.  We really do rely on him every hour.

I've had a good time this week starting to prepare the house more for baby's arrival.  We were able to redo a dresser we found on KSL a month ago for a killer deal.  I'm so excited about it!  Up to this point we've only primed it (and I painted the knobs) but it already looks fantastic!  We were going to leave it like that, but my parents are going to help us out so we can buy some paint!  Now I'm excited all over again to finish it!  Since Aidia won't have her own room until we move (her crib will be with us, and her dresser in Jack's room) this dresser is going to hold basically everything of hers... baby central station.  I'm glad we found such a fantastic dresser with lots of storage.

I've also been picking up smaller baby items as I find good deals on them.  I sell Jack's too-small clothes to a Kid-to-Kid and with that credit I can pick up things for Aidia.  I scored this week!  I was especially happy to find a little bracelet.  It looks big for a brand new baby...but the newborn ones would never have fit on my squishy Jack!  We'll just have to see how chubby she is.

My favorite is the pink doctor bib!  Dream big baby girl!

My doctor appointment went really well this week.  Between the OB, the MFM, and myself, we have finally come to the consensus that I will stay on the aspirin through delivery and six weeks postpartum.  I'm so happy that we've come to this decision- it's what I've felt best about in my gut the whole time.  The dose is low enough that it shouldn't effect anything with delivery at the hospital, like an epidural or emergency c-section.  We were able to plan out prenatal care like the tdap shot and thyroid checks for the next few months- and I always do better with a plan!  Thankfully, because of my history, we are still planning to do two more ultrasounds.  One at 28 weeks and one at 34.  Peace of mind is priceless and I'm anticipating those ultrasounds will give me just that.

Countdown!

Kevin and I were talking about how we feel like these last 19 weeks are going to drag.  Not because I'm "sick of being pregnant" but because we are just so anxious to have her here healthy and safe and be able to hold her in our arms.  Nonetheless, I'm sure by the end it will seem like it went by fast.  I'm trying to enjoy it one week at a time!  We're also excited for Kevin to finish his last rotation, pass the licensing board, graduate, and start working!  So...lots of that needs to happen before Aidia makes her appearance.  I'm trying to focus on spending my time with Jack Jack right now.  He starts full day Kindergarten in two weeks, so these are our last long days together with him as an only child.  Trying to treasure them despite the fits he throws!

<3  

5 month update and name announcement!

Our sweet girl is now as long as a banana and weighed 12 ounces at the ultrasound today!  It was such a fantastic ultrasound- her brain, heart, spine, and all her organs look perfect and healthy.  I am stunned how healthy she is.  The placenta is also moving away from the cervix! I am so relieved!  Her eyes should be opening at some point this week, and I finally felt a good kick last night.  I love cooperative children- it brings mama peace to feel her move.  It's nice not to worry about risks for her at least in the sense that her body is perfect and healthy.  I just need to stay on top of my health.  I am at greater risk for having babies with neural tube defects so I'm so happy that the l-methylfolate worked!  No defects!  She was funny during the appointment- both hands and both feet were touching her forehead most of the time (see picture below.)  The tech commented that she may be an Olympic diver haha.  Her legs were close together today, so it was harder to see gender, but both tech and doctor said girl.  The doc said he was 99% sure.  I'm glad the 16 week pictures were clearer!  It still just seems too good to be true.  I have this "fear" she's going to come out a boy haha.  I love this baby so much it doesn't really matter, I'm still just shocked that we will have one of each!

Feet touching head

Still a girl!

Little foot

We had such a great week spending time with family!  My cute little brother got married to the perfect girl who is way out of his league :)  I'm so happy to have another sister!  We were also able to travel and see Kevin's family all together.  I have the best family on all sides- I'm so blessed!

 I have been personally looking forward to the 20 week mark as one of the most important milestones because it means I can no longer have a miscarriage!  A baby lost after 20 weeks is no longer a miscarriage, but a stillbirth.  It would involve a delivery, a name, a funeral.  I know it sounds horribly morbid, but it is SUCH a comfort to me that this baby will not meet the same fleeting fate as my early losses.  She is a permanent part of our family in a way that the outside world understands much more than first trimester miscarriages.  I'm not anticipating losing this little girl- but for someone who has "recurrent loss" brain, it really is a fantastic milestone to reach.  It makes the pregnancy more real, and it makes referring to the baby easier.  Even if we had a scare at this point (like more bleeding, contractions, etc) they wouldn't send me to the ER anymore, I would now go to Labor and Delivery to be evaluated.  Only a month until viability!  Another huge milestone.  Again, I anticipate her being full term and healthy, but just knowing that one way or another I will be able to deliver her into this world and hold her is a comfort.  I prayed to be given "at least" that much for many years.

Since we're reached this milestone, we now feel ready to name her!

I know it seems like a pretty unique name- it's really special to us.  We've had it chosen for years.  Here's the story:

Aidia (aid-e-uh) - This comes from the Swahili name "Adia" which means gift.  Is there a more perfect meaning for this miracle baby?  We changed the spelling so that it would read and pronounce easier in English.  Also, the new spelling turns it into a palindrome I realized, so that makes us cool parents.  Yes, Adia, is the name of that one Sarah McLachlan song from the 90s.  When I was around 20 or 21, I was listening to the song "Adia" at work.  Even though I had heard the song many times, for some reason, this specific time as I listened, it felt like the world moved under my feet.  No other name had ever struck me as so beautiful and perfect.  I almost got emotional and I imagined a daughter with the same name.  I didn't know the name meaning yet or how perfect the meaning would fit her existence later.  I told Kevin about my experience later and to my GREAT surprise he had the same reaction.  I thought the name would be too "off beat" for his taste but he thought it was gorgeous.  So we had a daughter named, and no daughter.  In the years between Jack's birth and this pregnancy, we've spoken of her often.  I know that sounds kind of strange.  I think it's one of the reasons we were so blindingly happy when we found out baby is a girl.  She's finally here!  Twice in the four years of waiting, the song "Adia" came on an "oldies" station of some sort (90s are on oldies stations now, so there's that) and since I wasn't expecting it, I cried.  Didn't matter that we were in public- it was such a powerful trigger.  Kevin was with me both times, and would give my hand a squeeze and say "She's going to come."  In those moments I would get that spiritual confirmation that somehow, someway, a daughter would come to us and her name would be Aidia.  I'm so happy that it's time and that I can share this story.

Omera (oh-mair-uh) - This is originally an Arabic name that means "One who posses an inspiring and great personality, enjoys having a positive attitude," or inspiring for short.  I first heard of this name when I met the dearest girl in college.  I loved her instantly, she was so full of personality and just a joy to be around.   She actually went by her middle name, and I didn't find out Omera was her first name until roll was called one day in class.  I turned around with wide eyes like, "That's your real name?!"  I didn't understand how you could go by your middle name when your first name was so unique and beautiful!  In 2012 when we were pregnant for the second time, I told her if it was a girl her middle name would be Omera (pronounced the way my friend pronounced her name.)  We both fell in love with the name and the meaning- I feel like it's still fitting for our little one!  A special name for a special girl.     

19 week update

It has been a good week! No bleeding! I'm taking that as a good sign that the placenta is moving the direction we were hoping. In one week we get to have our 20 week anatomy scan and that should answer our questions. They will check baby's organs thoroughly, look at the cord, and measure where the placenta is at. I'm really looking forward to the ultrasound because I'm hoping it will bring some peace of mind.

Baby is growing great! She should weigh at least a half pound by now. She is about the length of a zucchini (not including the length of her legs!) Her arms and legs should also be proportional by now. Her movements have been easier to identify as the bones in her limbs harden. I feel her best on the sides of my belly, still not much in the middle where the placenta is. I can usually feel her at least once or twice a day now and that is so comforting! My weight gain has also shifted for the better. At the start of the week I had lost another half pound, but I gained it back plus an additional pound so that is reassuring!

I have loved singing and playing music to baby this week. When I was pregnant with Jack I was finishing up my music degree- so he enjoyed music in the womb pretty much 24/7. I juried on marimba, vibes, xylo, timpani, and hand drums while pregnant with him- and I also did drum line until I was about 5 months along. I feel bad baby girl isn't getting quite that much exposure- but sometimes I sing or try to plunk out something on the piano. Knowing she can hear us makes it that much more real that she has joined our family!

My exciting find this week was stumbling upon Broncos maternity clothes! I usually can't impulse buy...but I couldn't pass up a shirt with my favorite team! I'm so excited to wear it every game day! I have to dress my Broncos Bump for my newest Broncos Baby! :D

I had the unfortunate experience of dealing with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) this week and I would not recommend it to anyone! I feel better now knowing what it is- but the first day I started having symptoms it was really scary to have so much pain and pressure. I was worried something was happening with baby. It makes sense that this happened because it's very highly correlated with SI slipping issues. Of course, the night it started getting really bad, Kevin was out of town. I think he would have known right away what was happening. By the morning I could barely move my legs and was freaking out. I felt like I had pulled every muscle in my groin and thighs. I felt like I had been horse riding for 24 hours straight and had forgotten about it. Every step was akin to a swift kick to the crotch. Fun.

I couldn't figure out how I aggravated my body so much to set off the SPD- but eventually realized it was from, wait for it, trying on pants. Yep. I tried on about five or six pairs of pants in a store. That's one of the worst types of movements I could have done (shame on me for putting on pants one leg at a time...especially standing up.) It's the instability. From now on I am supposed to only move in symmetrical careful movements- both legs together. Protect the ligaments at all costs!

I was scared to death to let Kevin do any physical therapy, but it was so bad I couldn't walk, so I let him do one manipulation and the next day I could walk SO much better. He's fantastic and in the right field for sure! I'm so glad I have him on call! I've been much more careful with how I move and I haven't had a repeat flare up of the SPD.

I've been thinking a lot this week about the journey we've been through and I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. I was looking at the first "Big Brother" picture we took of Jack in 2012- we had no clue that the pregnancy would end too soon. We didn't take another Big Brother picture until this pregnancy when we thought we had more of a chance. I look at the difference in Jack between pregnancy #2 and pregnancy #8 and I think of how it's been a journey for him too. He's had to share his parents with the life of infertility and loss. He's had to wait for a sibling that he's asked for over and over. He still has fears now about baby girl dying, but as we get further along I've been able to reassure him more. He's such a blessing and I'm thankful that I had him to be my sunshine for the last several years through this painful journey. His faith is a huge support for our family!